You Probably Think This Post is About You

A good friend turned me on to a great podcast from "This American Life" regarding break-ups. The first act was all about break-up songs and was one of the funniest things I've ever heard in spite of its subject matter. I've been wanting to put together a Broken Hearts Greatest Hits for a long time now. You know, for wedding gifts and such. Anyway, the podcast and my entire summer made me think about some of my favorites and why I enjoy them. They all have different purposes and satisfy various needs through the healing process. Because I know you care, I'm going to tell you all about it.

Have something you'd like to share with the class? The comment section is all yours, Baby.

"Against All Odds": Ah, Phil Collins...when asked if he enjoys his music, Jack Donaghy of 30 Rock replied, "I have two ears and a heart, don't I?" True that, Jack. Anyway, this is possibly one of the most cheesetastic songs ever. If you have a chance, check out the video on YouTube. It was the theme to a film by the same name starring Jeff Bridges and James Woods. Jeff Bridges was smokin' hot back in 1984. For reals. Who knew The Dude had it goin' on? Without a doubt, this one is of the weepy, sappy variety. Listen to it in the dark while drinking wine from the box.

"Goodbye to You": I know I've mentioned this one before, but it's a good break-up song because it conveys the mixed emotions of a failed relationship, but it's upbeat so you can dance through the pain. Maybe that's just me.

"It's a Heartache": If pressed to name a Bonnie Tyler song that best conveys love problems, most people will pick "Total Eclipse of the Heart." A classic, I admit. But this one is entirely underrated. Check it out. Strikes a nice balance between the setimentality of Mr. Collins and the bouncy pop sound of Scandal.

"Knowing Me, Knowing You": Did you think I wouldn't mention ABBA at some point? Please. It's all breathy and dramatic and they're Swedish. Great stuff.

"I Will Survive": No disrespect to Cake, but I am quite loyal to the Gloria Gaynor original. I like to think of this as an anthem of Woman Power and that means a woman sings it. Obviously this must be blared and sung along to if you have been wronged by the one you loved. Feel free to choreograph a little dance routine if that gets you through the day.

"You Oughtta Know": Really Alanis? We're THAT flipped out over Joey from Full House? Well, damn. I met Dave Coulier at a celebrity hockey game years ago and got his autograph. Kinda wish I had gotten more out of him, if you know what I mean, dude.* Clearly there's a lesson to be learned: don't underestimate the mullet, ladies.

"Return of the Mack": Do not make fun of this one. Boy Chris can attest that this song and some Coors Light take the sting out of a cold hard dis. Perfect for when you want to party through the pain. Be sure to wear your baseball cap backwards for maximum jackassery.

"All By Myself": Yeah, when I was young I never needed anyone either, Eric Carmen. It's a different world now and you get it. Good for you, man. Good for you.

"These Boots are Made for Walkin'": Found out your man did you wrong? Going to karaoke night with the girls? This is your song.

"Love Hurts": Well, no shit it does.

"I Want to Know What Love Is": And who doesn't?

"You're So Vain": I'm not sure who Carly Simon is singing about, but it could be any number of my exes. And probably yours too.

*I am talking about sex.

Thanks, Science!

http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2008/09/080902161213.htm

The article states that allele 334 is not an absolute indicator of infidelity or general behavior in a relationship, but how cool would it be to "screen" for cheating the same way we do for high cholesterol or some other defect? It would be nice to have an indicator that when you fly to California for your grandma's funeral it's likely your boyfriend will bring some random skank back to your house while you're gone.

Cheater, Cheater, CHEATER!

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/26095810?GT1=43001

Does anyone NOT cheat on his or her spouse anymore? I know there are more important things going on in the world, but this annoyed me. Way to go, Edwards. Hook up with some skank as your wife battles a recurrence of cancer. Super classy.

Lili and Kelly may be the only people who actually "get" the title of this post. What is UP 6th grade religion class?

I love how there's an e- card for every occasion: