For Your Consideration

Another entry sent via email. Bad Wolf sent this one to me while recovering from the flu. Talk about dedication to the cause! We haven't met in person yet, but know each other through Roadtripper (they share "My Karma Ran Over Your Dogma") and I hope we can meet face-to-face for some hard cider one day soon.

Enjoy...

I have always been told that when it comes to dating I am too picky. That I look for things that are wrong and then use that one little thing as proof that the "relationship" is doomed. So when an old friend of a friend, S, turned up again online and seemed like a good catch I thought what the hell. And I ignored that little inner voice. S seemed like the perfect guy for me: good looking, good fashion sense, same great taste in music...

We went on a few dates, maybe three, and I really tried but there was nothing there. No chemistry, nada. S mentions the fact that he wants to come down to visit. Okay, I think this will be the test, I will give it one more shot. So he comes. Long story shorter, the chemistry still wasn't there, AT ALL. So even though he is visiting me, I decide to break up with him (I'm a real bastard aren't I?). In the middle of the break up he confides in me that he is still a virgin... and that I am the love of his life. Yep you read that right. I thought I was a late bloomer by waiting till I was 20 but damn! Not that this information changed my mind. I have always maintained that I am no teacher. And that goes in the bedroom too.

I did learn one thing though: always listen to that little voice in the back of your head.

I Cannot Make This Stuff Up

Here is an entry into the Best Worst Date Ever Contest sent to me via email. My pal Roadtripper submitted this and gave permission to post for your consideration. I can assure you that this is 100% true. Not sure if that makes it funnier or crazier or both, but I think we have a winner. Know your story is better? Submit it.

Without further ado, Roadtripper's verbatim email:

This is the ultimate case of false advertising. J and I had been dating for a few months and everything had been going swimmingly. He was tough-talking Marine sergeant who swilled Jack Daniels, chain-smoked Marlboro Reds and covered his body in tattoos. The ultimate manly man... or so I thought. One night, we were hanging out on my couch and getting ready for bed when he busted out with the line that makes every girl break in to a cold sweat "There is something I have to tell you." Several worst case scenarios raced through my mind. He was married... he had a STD... he was wanted by the law. No, nope, no.

J blurted out his big secret then jumped up to go get something from the other room. I was left sitting on the couch with my mouth hanging open, trying to process the information. Did he just say what I think he said? J returned to the room and threw a large book in my lap. I continued to stare at him, slack jawed with confusion. "Open it" he said. I started to flip through the pages. The pictures inside revealed that I had indeed heard his revelation correctly and that my tough guy Marine was indeed a cross dresser.

Being a cross dresser was one thing. Being a bad cross dresser was quite another. Picture after picture of thigh high boots, tacky school girl costumes and platinum wigs was too much.

I am all about consenting adults doing whatever they want behind closed doors. What people do in their bedrooms is their business. But this was my bedroom now... and this was just too much for me. J and I broke up. I will share a lot of things with my boyfriend but my eyeliner is not one of them.

Fast forward several months. J and I were still friends. I went to his blog to see what the latest was. There was a picture of him, dressed up in full regalia. Hey... that dress looks pretty familiar... holy crap! It was my dress that I had worn as his date to the Marine Corps Ball. I had gotten up the next morning to go to work and left it hanging on his bedroom door. The little bastard had drug his hungover ass out of bed, got all dolled up, donned my dress and staged himself a little photo shoot. And (sad to admit) I think he might have been cuter in it than I was.

Yeah... I still have scars from that one!

Really, There are No Winners

Have you checked out "You Spin Me Right Round Baby" yet? No? You really should. Circlestar is freaking hysterical and has excellent musical taste to boot. I'll wait for a moment while you scroll down and check out her blog. Good stuff.

A recent post of hers was about a less-than-successful first date. We talked about the fact that it's sad that the best stories are from horrible dates. I mean, it's lovely if he shows up with flowers and opens doors and even does that whole stand-up-when-you-enter the room thing that makes me swoon (pay attention, dudes) but that does not make for great entertainment. And we all know I'm always up for a laugh at your expense. Don't look at me like that. You know you've gotten a good chuckle out of a few of my unfortunate dating disasters. It's cool, admit it.

So, Circlestar and I are starting up a little contest here. Not sure what we'll do about prizes here and this is totally subjective...so just do it because you like us and damn it, this could be fun. We'll call it "The Best Worst Date Story Ever Contest." God, how awesome would be it be if we got Trojans and Xanax to sponsor this? SO AWESOME!

Please, no "I got my period while wearing white pants!" or "And then I farted in front of her!" stories. This is not the Say Anything section of YM magazine and who the hell wears white pants on a first date? You're asking for trouble and deserve to be single. Especially if you were wearing them after Labor Day. I mean, my God.

These need not be bad FIRST date stories. Sometimes the freaks fly under the radar and we get all the way to date #3 and realize, "Holy crap, you're nutburgers!" Since humiliation does not discriminate, neither do we: gay, straight, bi, married, single, whatever... participation from anyone and everyone is highly encouraged!

Let's hear it, kids. Sumbit the stories to either one of our blogs via the comment section, or feel free to email them if you'd prefer. Circlestar and I are the boss of this thing, so we'll decide who wins (or loses, really) this little contest. We'll post, mock and judge them because hello? This is all about laughing at the misfortune of others.