New Year's Resolutions

I rarely do the whole New Year's Resolution thing. I mean, I know I'll work out or refrain from saying "fuck" for like a week and then it's back to the same old lazy, foul-mouthed girl you all know and love. So, I don't really bother to make empty promises I cannot keep.

But this year maybe I'll try a few things.

-Don't shriek "THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID! THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID!" every single time a phrase with the words "balls," "nuts," or "do" is uttered in my presence. See also "sausage," "meat," and "box."

-Think before answering "your mom" every time someone asks what I'm doing (or eating, in some really special, classy circumstances). And if I do choose to reply that way, don't be so shocked when the other person isn't amused.

-Dial down the Tina Fey, especially here. I'm probably on some sort of FBI watch list.

-Set aside time to visit relatives and friends around the country. Oklahoma, Arizona, Washington, North Carolina, and Missouri, here I come! Oh, and Tennessee, New York, Colorado, Illinois, Ohio, Oregon...

-Leave the country. For a vacation, not in an "on-the-lam" sort of way.

-Don't get the shit kicked out of me. This applies to bar fights, my health and matters of the heart.

-Oh, fine...let's just throw in try to work out regularly and cool it with the swearing.