I'd Prefer Being Invisible but Whatever

An epiphany hit me and I've been contemplating this pattern in my life for the past few days. If I had to identify a superpower, it would be my ability to date cool guys who aren't great "relationship material," but there's good stuff there so we give it a whirl. Sadly, the good stuff isn't enough, so I end up breaking it off and, in the process, forcing them to face up to their issues. Not because I give a PowerPoint presentation on "Why It's Over" but because when you break up with someone they tend to ask, "Why?" Then these guys go off and become a totally normal man for someone else. Refuse to grow up? Not anymore! Issues with commitment and intimacy? All gone now! Don't want to get married and have kids? Thanks for the Christmas card - Kayla and Ashlee and Taylor are darling and your wife is so cute! You're welcome, Ladies.

Three instances of this have come to my attention lately and, while I don't want to be with any of these men now, it's almost annoying. Obviously it would be more annoying if these gentlemen never learned anything and refused to grow or change, but come on. It's like my romantic life is one of those house flipping shows and I'm stuck gutting the kitchen and dealing with formica and someone else gets to enjoy the granite countertops and stainless steel refrigerator. Maybe I would like granite countertops and stainless steel. Ever think of that?

Maybe the lesson to be learned here is that I need to stick it out with Mr. Fixer-Upper but I don't want to morph into Sitcom Girlfriend, manipulating some guy into being someone else. I have stood by the belief that I'll meet someone who doesn't need "work" and we'll just fit and nothing will feel forced.

Maybe I expect too much of people and have unrealistic expectations and therefore am doomed to be alone, but I doubt it.

Wherein I Reference Dickens and Silent Bob

At one point during my interview I was told I would assist some colleagues in planning a conference on sustainability and energy at our campus. Yesterday when I was chatting with one of those people and said, "Oh, by the way, I look forward to helping with our conference here" she looked right back at me and replied, like it was no biggie, "Good, because you'll be the lead for that. You know, plan it." Oh sure. I've been here two minutes, give me a huge project. I certainly don't mind the workload, but I don't want to disappoint.

Looks like I will attend at least one conference in Pasadena and maybe another in San Luis Obispo, which means gathering ideas on everything from the set-up to the program. I want to call ours "Sustainability Wow" as an homage to Kevin Smith*...or maybe "Sustain THIS!" and require all presenters to end their segments with jazz hands. I could go either way.

It's a little intimidating, but mostly I'm excited. I can put all of my wedding planning energy into the conference and dial down the Miss Havisham** act a little bit.



*You just fell in love with me a little bit more, didn't you?
**It's OK, Baby. Don't fight it.