Is it bad that when someone uttered the sentence "I have a twelve inch pipe" during a meeting I had to look down at the table and bite my lip to keep from losing my shit? So much for all of my growth and introspection.
If I can make one person a day laugh at something I say or write I consider myself a success.
I like pizza.
If we are in a bar and the jukebox has the song "Beast of Burden" I will play it. I will always dance to "Stayin' Alive." I love vodka and hate gin. Moms, dogs and children love me. I am allergic to raw tomatoes. I have high cholesterol and low blood pressure. As a small child I was afraid of men (other than my dad and grandpa) and the Pink Panther cartoon character; I have since outgrown that phase. My degree is in English and I have yet to have a job directly related to that. If you have an accent I will probably have a crush on you. People tell me I smell nice. I have excellent table manners. I do not care for chocolate in most forms but I will eat my body weight in cheesecake on any given day. I am good at keeping your secrets but blab the details of my life to everyone. I enjoy disco and the music of the 80's in an unironic way. I am shy. I am a sucker for proper use of punctuation. I can spend hours wandering around Target and walk out with only one item. You will win me over by suggesting we eat cheese, drink wine and watch movies.
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