I Go to the Fanciest Places

Today I volunteered to accompany my dear friend Piper and her two kids, Robbe and Lauren, to Chuck E. Cheese. And no, I'm not on anything. She was surprised I would be willing to do something like this just for the chance to visit without having to deal with sitters, but it wasn't a big deal. Piper acted like it was Lord of the Flies with pizza, but it wasn't awful. Probably a bit more crowded than usual since the entire county is under orders to stay indoors, but nothing out of control. Lots of blinking lights, games, food, and crying. Kind of like Vegas for kids, but with less hookers.

I arrived first and the hostess girl looked at me like I was nuts when I showed up sans kids saying, "I'm here to meet some friends" like this is a favorite happy hour spot. The moms looked at me like I was a pedophile or worse: out to snag their husbands. Oh yeah, that's it. No quicker way to my heart and into my pants than a bald spot and pleated-front khakis.

That place would turn a ridiculous profit if they had a full bar... or at least offered beer. Something to keep us "Aunties" entertained, you know?

Piper's kids were adorable as always and let us chat and munch on pizza. Robbe is possibly the nicest, most well-behaved boy ever. He has a well-developed sense of justice and kindness towards others. I fear that the world will beat him down or some mean girl will hurt him and I'll have to throw down. Lauren bursts into song in public and does this amazing Tarzan-esque/chest beating thing so I love her. Also, she made me a card and it was pink and orange and she said I can come to her birthday party. It's a pink poodle theme. Admit it: you're dying for an invite.