Hey, Remember When I Used to Write About More Than Food?

We are in the midst of a severe vending machine/snack industry crisis.

First of all, what brain trust came up with chocolate Skittles? I have finally come to terms with blue M&M's, but chocolate fucking Skittles? That shit is outside the paint.

OK, fine, Skittles. Make your damn disgusting new flavor. But why in the name of everything holy are they in our vending machine? WHY? What's wrong with the regular Skittles? And who made this genius call to switch it up? Oh, let me guess! The Shittles (not a typo there, I'm just 100% certain that chocolate Skittles are horrific) were discounted or something? Yeah, there's a reason: they taste like garbage. The thing is, EVERYONE knows these will be gross, so no one's buying them, thus damning us to an eternity of the chocolate Skittles taking up space in the vending machine for YEARS. Possibly DECADES.

In other news: I am crazy.

Really? Seriously?

Yes, I'm stealing stuff from Roadtripper again. Back down, I'm still looking for a place for Juno to sleep and contemplating buying a stroller. Someone needs to stop me.

http://jezebel.com/5065573/palin-dudes-proud-to-be-voting-for-the-hot-chick

As someone with many intelligent, educated, well-informed and all-around awesome male friends and relatives (Hi Guys!), I am offended. The men interviewed here are a pretty sad representation of their gender. It's like a bad beer commercial where a bunch of shlumpy, horny suburban dads are distracted by the Hot Girl. Because men are that simple and dumb.

This article freaks me out on so many levels, but I'll try to articulate this as well as I can.

1.) "Proud to be voting for the hot chick." Sarah Palin is a pretty woman, I'm not questioning that for one moment. We're all human and crushes will be had on various public figures. (Ultra-nerdy aside: I once volunteered at a PBS pledge drive and developed a massive crush on one of the show's hosts. I mean, he's all into public television! How adorable is that?) But to vote for her based solely on her looks? Wow, way to concern yourself with the issues. I mean, world peace has spontaneously broken out, the economy is fabulous and our education system is the envy of the free world. Oh wait.

2.) "Who can't trust a mother?" The world is full of mothers who aren't wholesome, nurturing, kindly or whatever qualities these men are associating with motherhood. And isn't Hillary Clinton a mother? Or does that not count because she only has one kid, while Sarah Palin has cranked out five (over-population be damned!)? (And if you think one kid is "easy" I invite you to ask my mom how easy her life has been since January 29, 1978.) Rush Limbaugh will tell you I'm just bitter over my empty womb, but I am appalled that a woman who has kids is somehow MORE capable or trustworthy than a childless one. I'm not saying she is any LESS so, to be clear, but I am not seeing the connection.

3.) "Palin is our kind of woman." Really? Then invite her out for a beer, don't put her in charge of the Senate. Personally, I want someone a hell of a lot smarter than I am - and definitely smarter than the men quoted here - running the nation. And you know what guys? I'm pretty sure she's not REALLY all that into NASCAR, nor does she find your beer gut sexy. She wasn't actually winking at you.

I'd love to hear from the men out there. Offended by this? Laughing it off? Do you support Palin's campaign and feel she is qualified? Why or why not?

PC LOAD LETTER

I am so not feeling the whole office thing today. At least I'm not at a point where I'm going to beat the bloody hell out of a printer, so I've got that going for me. It looks like November vacation plans may be thwarted (OK, really, just need to reschedule, but STILL) so I can attend a local conference. Not happy about that one, to say the least.

So, I'm trying to be all Pollyanna about things, like instead of bitching about the fact that the temperature in here is comparable to that of a DAMN MEAT LOCKER I am choosing to be amused that I can rock my super-cute sweater inside. Not that anyone around here notices what I am wearing or appreciates the effort. I could show up in chaps and a clown nose and no one would bat an eye. Hmm, tomorrow may be the day to test that theory.

So Much for Freedom of Speech

The Obama/Biden sign was stolen off of our front lawn. Dave is headed downtown to get another one, plus another holder so we can also put up my pro-gay marriage sign. I am sickened by the fact that someone in our neighborhood would do this. Everyone's entitled to his or her own political beliefs, and our sign was clearly on OUR property. Do these people think they are going to scare us out of voting as we see fit? Hell no.

I have seen a few McCain/Palin signs around town and they make me smile because they will be on a lawn next to a house with an Obama/Biden sign. How cool is that? We get to voice our opinions and have a different view from our neighbors and that is a right protected by the law. Much as I am not a huge fan of the GOP, I would NEVER condone the destruction of a sign from another party or candidate. What does that accomplish?

UPDATE: Dave told the kind people down at the Democratic Party HQ here in Chico about our sign being stolen and they offered to replace it for free. He insisted on paying for the replacement, plus another one. Apparently this was some sort of orchestrated move by a bunch of Nazis or something because a ton of people have come in to get replacements today. Way to go, good Christian folks. I'm sure Jesus is super proud.

At the Risk of Alienating a Ton of People

I just finished watching the vice-presidential nominee debate. Aside from snide remarks I have shied away from political issues in this forum, but I have to say something.

I'm concerned that Palin says she and McCain will fight for the families just like hers. What about the families NOT like hers? Do the families with a single parent, or two moms or two dads just have to wait another four years for the chance to be cared about and represented? This is what scares me: another administration capable of ignoring the reality of what America looks like.

And as far as this whole "Aw shucks, Todd and I are just middle class folks" business? Stop it, Sarah Palin. No, you're not. And please learn how to pronounce "Taliban" and stop winking into the camera if you want me to take you seriously. This is a big kid debate, not the interview portion of the Miss Alaska Pageant.

Can someone please clear something up for me? For months I've been hearing about how John McCain brings so much experience and insider knowledge of the system and that Barack Obama is a nice guy, but wholly unqualified to run a country. But all I heard from Palin was how Obama will just keep on truckin' and McCain will bring all kinds of reform - he's a maverick, darn it - to the corrupt government. What?

On another note, I had a nice chat with my youngest cousin on my dad's side. Even though I have nothing to do with how cool he turned out, I am so proud of how informed he is and the fact that he has opinions and is willing to share them. You're a good kid, B.

Miss the debate? Here's the Cliff Notes version, courtesy of Roadtripper: I Am Actually Ashamed To Have Ovaries Right Now It's much funnier and pretty much echoed what I would have written had I been able to live blog. Enjoy.

Hey You Kids! Get Off My Lawn!

It's becoming abundantly clear that I am rolling into Old Lady Land at a shocking pace. Yes, there's still the twelve year-old in me who giggles at the words "balls" or "nuts" and all of that good stuff. But lately other signs have pointed to the other extreme. Some examples:

-I am obsessed with procuring a nice tea kettle and tea pot. You know, for when I entertain the ladies from the church bazaar committee or something.

-As mentioned earlier, my tolerance for a clothing style I shall refer to as "whore chic" continues to dwindle. Sweet baby Jesus, buy some pants that fit you! Ladies, this means pants that are not so TIGHT and LOW that your hips turn into a muffin top. Also, tube tops are flattering on about 1% of the population; it is highly unlikely you are part of that group. The guys are not exempt from ridiculous fashion choices. I want to run around campus pulling up everyone's pants and turning baseball caps around so the bill is in the front.

-Did I mention I'm learning to sew? An apron? Yeah.

-I sometimes find the music in bars to be too loud, so I go home. Before last call.

I guess this is a good thing, you know? Slowing my roll and all that. Hopefully at some point I'll find a balance between acting like I'm 21 and on spring break and eating dinner at 4:30 and curling up with my Reader's Digest.

Personal Attacks and Politics

Sarah Palin's 17 year-old daughter is knocked up. Apparently I'm supposed to be really upset by this, but I couldn't care less. She's not my kid and it has zero impact on how I vote or my world view in general.

I'm furious with the media outlets who compare Palin to Tina Fey. Yes, they are both women who wear glasses. But Tina Fey is lovely and pure and I will not stand to have her compared to a Republican who has clearly done a great job of teaching her daughter the importance of abstinence. How's that working out, Alaska?

Hi, I name my kids shit like "Bristol" and "Trig."

Hi, I am fabulous and funny and love the Earth.

See the difference, America? Now stop it with the unfair attacks on Tina. Comparing her to a self-proclaimed "hockey mom." Please.

Are you there, God? I'm a Freaking Wreck

I'm really OK with most aspects of being single. Going to weddings alone is fine; you don't bring a sandwich to a buffet. I come and go as I please and have vacation plans keeping me busy through 2010. But right about now it would be awesome to have someone around to bring me Advil, water and a heating pad. Not to mention perform other, um... services that help with cramps. Don't even suggest hiring an escort for this. It's like paying a hooker to hold you and I haven't reached that level of desperation.

At the risk of regressing to junior high, I'm about five minutes away from writing myself a note to get out of work due to "lady problems" so I can go home and curse womanhood.

Weird thing is, I also want chocolate. Yeah, you heard me.

At least I'm not like this:

http://www.hulu.com/watch/10234/saturday-night-live-annuale

And Then She Crossed Over to the Old Side

Classes have started on our campus and I find myself overwhelmed with the urge to tell the young women strutting around in tube tops and hot pants to go home and put on some clothes. Nice, Old Lady DeFazio. Don't forget to pick up some Geritol on the way home from work.

In reality I'm probably just bitter that when I was at an age where one could pull off this particular look I was far too self-conscious to even entertain the idea. Now that ship has sailed and I'm annoyed that I somehow wasted my teens and early twenties wearing five layers of clothing and hiking boots. Comfortable? Sure. Cute? No, not even a little bit.

The whole Catholic-school-dress-code and college-in-Tacoma (land of polar fleece and Gortex) had an impact on my fashion choices. Still, I wish Present Me could go back in time and tell Past Me not to be such an uptight bitch.