I Saw Willie Nelson in Concert. What's New with You?

*Warning: Completely random, disjointed post ahead. Proceed at your own risk of developing ADD right along with me.

Y'all really bring it when it comes to the fashion advice and assurance and I expected nothing less from my fabulous friends. I think this week's resolution to switch it up and step it up (Sounds like a commercial for an exercise video, no? Switch it up! Step it up!) was a success. I was snapped out of my rut by the unseasonably warm weather, of course, and even made small changes like wearing necklaces and eyeshadow. Yes, I understand that most 14 year-old girls can handle that but I think we all know I'M JUST THAT SLOW.

In other news, Coffee Guy's last day at Cal Java was this week. Aloha...and mahalo for the early morning pseudo-flirting. The words "soy latte" will never be the same again.

You know what's kinda fun? Having a friend place bets on how quickly you will get drunk at a party this weekend. You know what makes you feel like a frumpy hag? Discussing body fat percentage and cholesterol levels with said friend.

If given the chance to see Willie Nelson live, do it. Even if you aren't a huge fan or whatever. I was fortunate enough to see him at a small venue, which I think always enhances the exeperience, don't you? Anyway, I have fond memories of listening to his music with my dad on long car rides as a wee girl. It was funny how many of the songs I knew, and he did some pretty fantastic covers of other classics. Plus, the man can jam! Seriously, he wails.

Hey, Remember When I Used to Write About More Than Food?

We are in the midst of a severe vending machine/snack industry crisis.

First of all, what brain trust came up with chocolate Skittles? I have finally come to terms with blue M&M's, but chocolate fucking Skittles? That shit is outside the paint.

OK, fine, Skittles. Make your damn disgusting new flavor. But why in the name of everything holy are they in our vending machine? WHY? What's wrong with the regular Skittles? And who made this genius call to switch it up? Oh, let me guess! The Shittles (not a typo there, I'm just 100% certain that chocolate Skittles are horrific) were discounted or something? Yeah, there's a reason: they taste like garbage. The thing is, EVERYONE knows these will be gross, so no one's buying them, thus damning us to an eternity of the chocolate Skittles taking up space in the vending machine for YEARS. Possibly DECADES.

In other news: I am crazy.

Hey! Guess Who Ate Two Full Lunches within One Hour of Each Other?

If you guessed CKD, you'd be correct. If you also guessed that I was the one shaming iron workers for only have one serving of food and making jokes about taking off my top in front of my mom, you're on a streak.

Let me explain.

Today was the "Topping Out" for my mom's project, which means the final steel beam was placed (or, as I shouted, "The steel is erected, people!") which is kind of a big deal. There was a big lunch for everyone on the project, my mom got up and gave a speech and damn it if she isn't the cutest thing ever in her hard hat! I always call this the "Topping Off" and my mom always corrects me so I called it the "Take Off Your Top" and apparently she felt the need to share that with a bunch of iron workers, who in the construction hierarchy are like the Great Big Badasses of the entire crew. They love me.

So after finishing my tri-tip, beans, salad and roll, I announced I was off to our office Thanksgiving lunch.

"You're going to eat MORE?" one guy asked.
"Uh, yeah. This was just my base layer. If you'll excuse me, I need to show my department how it's done."

After almost killing a student assistant who was taking too long at the mashed potato station I retired to my office to inhale more food in peace. Round two included turkey, stuffing, mashed potatoes and Katie just brought me pie so I didn't have to get my ass out of my chair. I'm not sweating yet, so I don't think I'm all that full, but yeah, we may need to schedule that angioplasty sooner than later. Or at least some sort of intervention.

Diet? What Diet?

Who would like to man the stopwatch for the countdown until my heart attack?

In my rush to get out the door, I forgot to pack something for breakfast. No worries, right? There's a cafeteria with yogurt and fruit and bagels just a short walk away. Yes, the cafeteria has all of those healthy, delicious options. Which is why I went for the Breakfast in a Cup. Already sounds a little disgusting, huh? And also maybe just a little tasty? Sweetie, you have no idea.

My little Artery-Clogger in a Cup consists of potatoes, egg, sausage (you can get bacon, or BOTH if you want to die before lunch) and is topped with shredded cheese. My co-worker Katie, in a flash of brilliance, adds gravy. (Did I mention you can also get biscuits and gravy here?) For kicks, I asked them to add some on top of the potatoes. People, this may have been the best decision I HAVE EVER MADE. I trimmed my own bangs last week - even though I am paying a professional to do my hair tomorrow - so I've been all over the excellent choices as of late.

It's been about 15 minutes since I inhaled my food, and the tummy is starting to ache a bit. I just told one of the Grounds guys about my breakfast. His response? "You got the GRAVY? Man, the stuff in the cup is bad enough. You're not looking so good."

Here's hoping my healthy lunch, lovingly prepared by Dave, will counteract the effects of whatever the hell I just ingested.

Oh, have I mentioned that the last time I had my cholesterol tested it was well over 300? Anything over 200 is "bad" so let that info sink in for a moment. Maybe tomorrow I'll drive blindfolded or cover my bedroom floor with rusty nails and run around barefoot.