I wasn't so sure that today's birthday girl would want a blog shout-out from me, but I was happy when I got the go-ahead. We met during my time on the East Coast and our friendship got off to a rocky start to say the least. It was sort of like an episode of Three's Company in terms of misunderstandings, but no one was pretending to be gay. (And I'm using her Internet pseudonym since she works in a, uh, sensitive office and I don't want any Google searches leading The Man here.) When I was headed back to California, she happened to email me to say hello and the ensuing conversations led to an interesting "come to Jesus" type of talk, a newfound understanding of each other, and an unlikely friendship at a time when I was looking for good signs anywhere.
Cym is a fierce mother lioness who will fuck your shit up if you dare mess with her family. For reals you guys. Just don't even try. I hope that if I am fortunate enough to have kids I will find that kind of strength to deal with any crap anyone throws at them.
Cym has this weird notion that she isn't girlie or a fashionable or some such silliness, but on a few occasions when I have posed a question about an outfit this chick has rolled up with advice that makes me feel dumb because it's so simple. But mostly I am grateful I asked and that she shared.
Cym sometimes says the hard stuff you don't want to hear. And as much as we all need the hold-your-hand-and-nod-sympathetically-friends, sometimes we need the kick-in-the-butt friends. (For the record, many of my friends can fall into this category, but this seems to be her specialty.) Hearing the hard stuff isn't always pretty but it's necessary.
Cym showed up at a transitional "WTF?" time in my life and encouraged me to keep on being me, having fun, and exploring all of the new options ahead. Yes, A LOT of people did this, but as someone who had very little interaction with me, she suggested things no one else had, and the possibilities opened me up in a new way.
Cym is an amazing writer. When she finally writes her memoirs or a novel or SOMETHING I will so be first in line at her book signings and readings because that shit is gonna be hilaaaaarious. I cannot drink anything while reading her emails because of too many close calls with coffee out the nose. You've been warned.
Cym, I am holding you to your promise of a West Coast visit and you will need to prep the guest room (and most of Northern VA) when I find my way back there. Stockpile the wine now! And enjoy your day - I'm toasting you from out here.
Thursday, February 26, 2009
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
A Hypothetical Question for You
Yes, I went to church for Ash Wednesday. No, the walls did not start bleeding.
I'm not big on the Church and organized religion, although I most definitely pray and believe in God and do actually enjoy attending Mass. (Are you uncomfortable yet? Sorry. Bear with me.)
So, I went to church for the first time in almost a year, took communion, and went home with the biggest, darkest cross on my forehead ever. And somewhere in there, I half listened to the priest (I was at the back, the PA system was so-so and I had to strain to hear him) and half meditated on how giving up soda for Lent was not really a great sacrifice. Although I did reason that I could take the money I spend on soda, set is aside, and use it toward something more meaningful. You think 40 days worth of soda money won't make a difference? People, you don't know how bad my addiction is.
And then I took no end of crap for doing all of that.
See, I haven't been to confession in, um, oh...Let's just say I was probably in junior high. And being the goody-goody I was, I'm sure the worst offense I had to offer up was some smack-talk about another girl. Point is, I've racked up some decent sins since then and have yet to formally ask a priest to make sure I'm good with God. And did I mention I am NOT a regular church goer? I mean, I end up going for Christmas and/or Easter, maybe another random trip in there somewhere, and then maybe a wedding that includes a mass. And even then I'm checking out the groomsmen and counting down to the cocktail hour, not thinking about God and sacraments and whatever.
So here's my question: am I a bad person for treating the Catholic faith like a buffet? You know, picking and choosing what I want, rejecting the not-so-fun parts? Or is it good enough that I at least acknowledge my hypocrisy, try to be a good person and basically use this blog as a confessional?
And if everyone agrees I need to get myself to a confessional booth, don't blame ME when the priest freaks out after I go all Jack Donaghy on him.
Stone away.
I'm not big on the Church and organized religion, although I most definitely pray and believe in God and do actually enjoy attending Mass. (Are you uncomfortable yet? Sorry. Bear with me.)
So, I went to church for the first time in almost a year, took communion, and went home with the biggest, darkest cross on my forehead ever. And somewhere in there, I half listened to the priest (I was at the back, the PA system was so-so and I had to strain to hear him) and half meditated on how giving up soda for Lent was not really a great sacrifice. Although I did reason that I could take the money I spend on soda, set is aside, and use it toward something more meaningful. You think 40 days worth of soda money won't make a difference? People, you don't know how bad my addiction is.
And then I took no end of crap for doing all of that.
See, I haven't been to confession in, um, oh...Let's just say I was probably in junior high. And being the goody-goody I was, I'm sure the worst offense I had to offer up was some smack-talk about another girl. Point is, I've racked up some decent sins since then and have yet to formally ask a priest to make sure I'm good with God. And did I mention I am NOT a regular church goer? I mean, I end up going for Christmas and/or Easter, maybe another random trip in there somewhere, and then maybe a wedding that includes a mass. And even then I'm checking out the groomsmen and counting down to the cocktail hour, not thinking about God and sacraments and whatever.
So here's my question: am I a bad person for treating the Catholic faith like a buffet? You know, picking and choosing what I want, rejecting the not-so-fun parts? Or is it good enough that I at least acknowledge my hypocrisy, try to be a good person and basically use this blog as a confessional?
And if everyone agrees I need to get myself to a confessional booth, don't blame ME when the priest freaks out after I go all Jack Donaghy on him.
Stone away.
What to Wear Wednesday: Your Turn
I'm such a hack. Here I claim I can solve your beauty and fashion dilemmas and I'm asking YOU for the advice. (Did I just lose the guys? Bye! I'll post a picture of someone in a bikini tomorrow or something.)
My complexion is pretty decent, but every once in awhile I find myself dealing with a blemish or some dark circles under the eyes. Yes, I have a good foundation, but sometimes I just want to cover up the problem spots and move on, and it doesn't cut it. The caveat: I am Pasty McWhitey and have dry, sensitive skin. So, whatever I use needs to come in a shade semi-close to my skin tone AND not make my skin issues worse.
Anyone have a miracle concealer? If so, leave a comment, send me an email or find me on Facebook. Any and all suggestions will be considered! Ideally this will be something I can pick up in retail-challenged Chico (ie we know not of Sephora, Nordstrom or Ulta), but that's not a deal-breaker.
My complexion is pretty decent, but every once in awhile I find myself dealing with a blemish or some dark circles under the eyes. Yes, I have a good foundation, but sometimes I just want to cover up the problem spots and move on, and it doesn't cut it. The caveat: I am Pasty McWhitey and have dry, sensitive skin. So, whatever I use needs to come in a shade semi-close to my skin tone AND not make my skin issues worse.
Anyone have a miracle concealer? If so, leave a comment, send me an email or find me on Facebook. Any and all suggestions will be considered! Ideally this will be something I can pick up in retail-challenged Chico (ie we know not of Sephora, Nordstrom or Ulta), but that's not a deal-breaker.
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
More Proof for the Commitment Hearing
I think about Beyonce sometimes. Not as much as I think about Tina Fey, but I spend a decent amount of brain energy on her. Energy that should be spent on job applications, saving baby seals and/or doing sit-ups. Don't try to understand it, because Lord knows I don't.
A few of my recent musings on the subject:
-Does anyone else find it weird that she has this alter ego named "Sasha Fierce?" Because "Beyonce" is just sooo commonplace that she needs something more exotic?
-Why is the hit single off her most recent album all about being single and not crying over her boyfriend? She's married now, right? He liked it, he put a ring on it, Beyonce-Sasha! Don't get me wrong, this song is playing on a continuous loop in my brain (although every time I hear the line "To infinity and beyond" I imagine that she broke up with Buzz Lightyear) and I may or may not have a little dance that I do when I hear it.
But really? Really?! I'm not getting what's going on with Ms. Knowles.
Maybe I am not meant to understand. Maybe these are questions for the ages. Maybe I should put down the wine.
Oh, and I've been watching this non-stop for about 45 minutes:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M5qx-MVrXfk&feature=PlayList&p=89FF437B85DBFC5D&playnext=1&index=16
Weirdly hynotic, no? The dance I choreographed is eerily similar to Andy Samberg's moves around :58.
A few of my recent musings on the subject:
-Does anyone else find it weird that she has this alter ego named "Sasha Fierce?" Because "Beyonce" is just sooo commonplace that she needs something more exotic?
-Why is the hit single off her most recent album all about being single and not crying over her boyfriend? She's married now, right? He liked it, he put a ring on it, Beyonce-Sasha! Don't get me wrong, this song is playing on a continuous loop in my brain (although every time I hear the line "To infinity and beyond" I imagine that she broke up with Buzz Lightyear) and I may or may not have a little dance that I do when I hear it.
But really? Really?! I'm not getting what's going on with Ms. Knowles.
Maybe I am not meant to understand. Maybe these are questions for the ages. Maybe I should put down the wine.
Oh, and I've been watching this non-stop for about 45 minutes:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M5qx-MVrXfk&feature=PlayList&p=89FF437B85DBFC5D&playnext=1&index=16
Weirdly hynotic, no? The dance I choreographed is eerily similar to Andy Samberg's moves around :58.
Monday, February 23, 2009
Exciting News from Lingering Cold Central: Now with Super-Attractive Cold Sore AND Period Acne!
(Are you totally turned on right now? It's OK. Don't fight it.)
Not long after writing yesterday's bitchy-ass post about HOW DIFFICULT my life is, what with having the sniffles (oh, the humanity!), help and relief showed up miraculously. This put things into better perspective for me. I mean, it's a COLD. There are people everywhere dealing with way worse. Hell, I have dealt with way worse (what's up, pneumonia and various lung infections that made me cough so hard I vomit in public?) in the past. Sack up.
Katie is also sick and we decided that we needed pedicures to a.) get our whiny selves out of our homes and b.) help us feel like pretty pretty princesses. The pedis worked, yes, and we showed good judgment by sipping juice rather than our traditional mimosas. But Katie had a little surprise for me that perked me up like none other: a visit from the cutest little puppy ever. (Oh, he was accompanied by his "dad" and all that. It's not like he just called up and asked if we were doing anything. He's a puppy.)
Anyway, Riggs, the puppy, was so well-behaved and sweet and snuggly and soft...I did my best not to go all Lenny on him, but it took serious restraint, y'all. This kind of made me feel like a child. Despite all the Stranger Danger stuff I had drilled in to me, I'm pretty sure a kidnapper could easily - to this day - lure me into a sketchy van with a "Will you help me find my lost puppy/kitten?" story because sweet Jesus, I am a sucker for animals. And baby animals? Oy. Don't get me started.
This kind of got me thinking that while I may look like a grown-up and manage to fake it on most days, I really should not be allowed to live without adult supervision. I submit the following evidence:
-I have had to take a little break from my 24 viewing. You'd think this break was inspired by a desire for real human interaction, or to eat some cheese. Nope. This little self-imposed break is due to the new appearace of nightmares...24-inspired nightmares. Now the assassins don't want to hurt David Palmer or Jack Bauer: they are after ME. I know. I KNOW. There are first graders who can probably watch that show before bedtime and be completely fine, but I am a delicate flower. A fucking mental delicate flower, so please treat me with care.
-Last night while watching the Academy Awards I found myself hoarsely yelling "I NEED MORE COWBELL" the entire time Christopher Walken was on the stage to present...something. I don't even know. I was too busy repeating a joke that was funny seven years ago, and cracking myself up in the process. Sure, there may have been a little cold medicine cocktail involved here, but dude. Come on.
-The aforementioned puppy incident. Most normal people reach down and pet a dog. Me? I roll around on the floor with it with zero regard to social norms, ladylike behavior or the pitch of my voice.
I'm choosing to take some comfort in the fact that I act like a full-on child, rather than a tween. I mean, I'm not parading around in a glittery shirt and my pants cover my ass. I'm taking my victories where I can get them. Back off.
Now, I need to cure my fever with MORE COWBELL. Hahahaha! Ah, never gets old for me...
Not long after writing yesterday's bitchy-ass post about HOW DIFFICULT my life is, what with having the sniffles (oh, the humanity!), help and relief showed up miraculously. This put things into better perspective for me. I mean, it's a COLD. There are people everywhere dealing with way worse. Hell, I have dealt with way worse (what's up, pneumonia and various lung infections that made me cough so hard I vomit in public?) in the past. Sack up.
Katie is also sick and we decided that we needed pedicures to a.) get our whiny selves out of our homes and b.) help us feel like pretty pretty princesses. The pedis worked, yes, and we showed good judgment by sipping juice rather than our traditional mimosas. But Katie had a little surprise for me that perked me up like none other: a visit from the cutest little puppy ever. (Oh, he was accompanied by his "dad" and all that. It's not like he just called up and asked if we were doing anything. He's a puppy.)
Anyway, Riggs, the puppy, was so well-behaved and sweet and snuggly and soft...I did my best not to go all Lenny on him, but it took serious restraint, y'all. This kind of made me feel like a child. Despite all the Stranger Danger stuff I had drilled in to me, I'm pretty sure a kidnapper could easily - to this day - lure me into a sketchy van with a "Will you help me find my lost puppy/kitten?" story because sweet Jesus, I am a sucker for animals. And baby animals? Oy. Don't get me started.
This kind of got me thinking that while I may look like a grown-up and manage to fake it on most days, I really should not be allowed to live without adult supervision. I submit the following evidence:
-I have had to take a little break from my 24 viewing. You'd think this break was inspired by a desire for real human interaction, or to eat some cheese. Nope. This little self-imposed break is due to the new appearace of nightmares...24-inspired nightmares. Now the assassins don't want to hurt David Palmer or Jack Bauer: they are after ME. I know. I KNOW. There are first graders who can probably watch that show before bedtime and be completely fine, but I am a delicate flower. A fucking mental delicate flower, so please treat me with care.
-Last night while watching the Academy Awards I found myself hoarsely yelling "I NEED MORE COWBELL" the entire time Christopher Walken was on the stage to present...something. I don't even know. I was too busy repeating a joke that was funny seven years ago, and cracking myself up in the process. Sure, there may have been a little cold medicine cocktail involved here, but dude. Come on.
-The aforementioned puppy incident. Most normal people reach down and pet a dog. Me? I roll around on the floor with it with zero regard to social norms, ladylike behavior or the pitch of my voice.
I'm choosing to take some comfort in the fact that I act like a full-on child, rather than a tween. I mean, I'm not parading around in a glittery shirt and my pants cover my ass. I'm taking my victories where I can get them. Back off.
Now, I need to cure my fever with MORE COWBELL. Hahahaha! Ah, never gets old for me...
Sunday, February 22, 2009
It's Raining, It's Pouring, This Post is Really Boring
And whiny.
It's the 2009 edition of "Being Sick is for Crap" so settle on in for some bitching and moaning because OH MY GOD I HATE HATE HATE BEING SICK.
You know that stereotype that men are the worst when it comes to illness? All helpless and baby-like? Well, I challenge all the males of the world to a showdown in that department. Something about sleep deprivation coupled with an inability to breathe brings out my most charming qualities: self-pity mixed with exhaustion and hint of "fuck-off-no-not-really-can-you-get-me-some-soup-please-don't-leave-meeeeee." I'm hungry, but I don't know what I want. I'm thirsty, but I don't want water, juice or tea, damn it. I'm tired but can't relax and get to sleep. It's adorable, really.
The weather is most definitely conducive to a day of staying inside under a blanket. At the same time, the weather is depressing me because if I'm sick on a nice day, I somehow muster the energy to face the world and that seems to help my mental health, if not the physical. If you have any hints on feeling better in a hurry, please send them my way. Along with some soup. And an US magazine, if it's not too much trouble. Thanks.
I think the only thing that can help me is a hot toddy and a pedicure. Ladies?
It's the 2009 edition of "Being Sick is for Crap" so settle on in for some bitching and moaning because OH MY GOD I HATE HATE HATE BEING SICK.
You know that stereotype that men are the worst when it comes to illness? All helpless and baby-like? Well, I challenge all the males of the world to a showdown in that department. Something about sleep deprivation coupled with an inability to breathe brings out my most charming qualities: self-pity mixed with exhaustion and hint of "fuck-off-no-not-really-can-you-get-me-some-soup-please-don't-leave-meeeeee." I'm hungry, but I don't know what I want. I'm thirsty, but I don't want water, juice or tea, damn it. I'm tired but can't relax and get to sleep. It's adorable, really.
The weather is most definitely conducive to a day of staying inside under a blanket. At the same time, the weather is depressing me because if I'm sick on a nice day, I somehow muster the energy to face the world and that seems to help my mental health, if not the physical. If you have any hints on feeling better in a hurry, please send them my way. Along with some soup. And an US magazine, if it's not too much trouble. Thanks.
I think the only thing that can help me is a hot toddy and a pedicure. Ladies?
Thursday, February 19, 2009
Because My Friends Cannot Make Decisions Without Your Help Either
Interweb, your assistance is requested regarding A Very Important Fashion Decision. A wedding-related fashion decision...which is pretty hardcore in the realm of clothing choices. The marriage may not last, but those photos are around FORFUCKINGEVER. (Just ask my mom about the harassment she has endured at the hands of her only child. Hey, if you wear a lampshade hat, expect me to comment on it, OK?) For the first time in the history of someone getting married I am NOT the one required to don a bridesmaid dress. But we have a Bridesmaid Virgin on our hands and she needs our help.
Miss Katie will be in her very first wedding in September, which is actually very exciting. The bride has chosen dresses offered through an online boutique, and has designated "persimmon" as the color. However, being a reasonable sort, she is allowing each girl to choose her own style. Here is where you can help.
We have a little poll going where you can vote on which style Katie should choose. She has it narrowed down to two, but is open to suggestions if you feel strongly. You can vote in the comments, too, and all opinions will be considered.
Here is Katie, in case you haven't met her:
Check out the dress options here http://lulakate.com/bridal/. Katie is leaning toward the Ashley or the Katherine (which would be kinda cute since that is her name and all, but not really a requirement), but open to suggestions if the overwhelming majority feels differently. This is kind of reminds me of playing dress-up with my dolls only it's a real, live person. Who really likes wine. See why we're friends?
At Least I'm Consistently Lame
In keeping with the theme "CKD is always about 8 steps behind what is cool right now" I would like to discuss my "new" favorite television show: 24.
What's that you say? This show has been on for several years now? And I am JUST NOW catching on to its awesomeness? Well, add it to the list of reasons of why I am not - nor ever will be - cool. Maybe tomorrow I'll buy some acid wash jeans. Or a Walkman.
Because I am a good little rule-follower I have started from the beginning (thanks for loaning me the DVD's Kevin!) in hopes that by 2010 I will be able to watch the current season. I am hooked. COMPLETELY HOOKED. The twists are fun, the characters aren't what they seem at first glance and Jack Bauer is such a badass. I think I'm developing a little crush on him, to tell you the truth. There, I said it. Impure thoughts aside, it really is a good show. Why didn't anyone mention it to me before?
What's that you say? This show has been on for several years now? And I am JUST NOW catching on to its awesomeness? Well, add it to the list of reasons of why I am not - nor ever will be - cool. Maybe tomorrow I'll buy some acid wash jeans. Or a Walkman.
Because I am a good little rule-follower I have started from the beginning (thanks for loaning me the DVD's Kevin!) in hopes that by 2010 I will be able to watch the current season. I am hooked. COMPLETELY HOOKED. The twists are fun, the characters aren't what they seem at first glance and Jack Bauer is such a badass. I think I'm developing a little crush on him, to tell you the truth. There, I said it. Impure thoughts aside, it really is a good show. Why didn't anyone mention it to me before?
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
What to Wear Wednesday: Not-So-Shiny But Still Happy People
This week's question comes from Miz Literature:
"I have a problem with 'shine.' Do you know of any products that will help me keep a matte look all day?"
Dear Miz Lit,
Without a little more info on your current product usage, I'm going to start from the basics and work our way up. This might be a case of "less is more" as opposed to adding layers to your gorgeous face.
Shine is usually a problem for the oily or combination skinned people of the world, but you should still be using a moisturizer every day. Use an oil-free one (Neutrogena has fantastic options, and it's easy to get one with basic SPF protection) to keep your skin balanced and avoid extra shine.
In terms of make-up, there are several options. I wouldn't do ALL of these things at once, but some experimenting might be in order to find the right solution.
I like the Smashbox Photo Finish primer before applying anything to my face. It mattifies (Is that a word? We'll say it is.) before you put on your make-up and is clear, so no need to spend hours matching colors. Who has that kind of time? It works well under foundation, powder, whatever...and helps your make-up stay put so you don't need to reapply throughout the day.
If you like foundation, I am a big fan of mineral make-up. Two excellent brands to try: Bare Escentuals (sort of the Big Name in mineral make-up) and Jane Iredale (my current love). Both offer excellent coverage without creating a "mask" effect. Bonus: you don't really need to do the foundation/powder combo. Since I am the laziest person on the planet, I am all about eliminating steps so that I can move on to my favorite morning activity: getting some coffee. Anyway, this stuff stays on all day (even during Chico summers when it's 145 degrees) and keeps the shine at bay.
Not feeling the mineral foundation? Sue Devitt makes a wonderful liquid foundation that goes on like buttah.
Not really into foundation? This brings us to...
Dr. Feelgood. I. Love. This. Stuff.
I have singled it out as a favorite thing and I pretty much always have it on me. Works beautifully alone, under foundation or as shine control hours after you first applied your make-up. No need to match colors and you can apply it while driving to work (not that I have EVER done that) because there's really no precision involved. If you go for the Sue Devitt foundation and find you are still a little shiny, this is the perfect thing to layer over it for a quick touch-up.
Have fun playing around at the various make-up counters and best of luck in your quest to let your adorable personality be the only shiny thing about you!
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
Tonight, We Bowl!
Monday I woke up with the kind of headache you get after you've spent the day riding around in a limo swigging champagne in between visits to three separate wineries. And yet when a certain three year-old woke me with "WE'RE GOING TO THE BOWLING ALLEY!" I knew I had to sack up and face the noise.
Little Man so excited that he "knocked down those pins" all the way at the end of the lane. Moments after this photo was taken I squeezed that little face and kissed him because I can.
Apparently every family within a 50 mile radius had the same idea we did (rain + no school = bowling), but the hour-long wait for a lane was made more bearable by the abundance of hangover food available at SeaBowl. Cheese sticks? Check. Pizza? Check. Chips and salsa? Check. Let's do this!
Little Man so excited that he "knocked down those pins" all the way at the end of the lane. Moments after this photo was taken I squeezed that little face and kissed him because I can.
Sissy tries to convince Bubba to use the racks provided for kids to help them bowl. Captain Independent was having none of it and insisted on hurling the ball down the lane. Each turn took approximately 34 minutes.
The DeFazio kids celebrating a successful turn. At this point Evan was just enjoying goofing off with the rack...it gave him something to do as the ball made its slow-ass way down the lane.
The Verdict
You voted and I listened! The results of last week's hair appointment in all of it's crazy-curly glory:
A little darker, we're dealing with the layers and please note the jazz hands. Transformation into Tina Fey should be complete by Spring. Woohoo!
*Editor's Note: I had been drinking for several hours at the time this picture was taken and would not - nay - COULD NOT stop doing the damn jazz hands. (Doesn't help that everyone encourages me by laughing when I do it. I'm four years-old, apparently.) Just didn't want you to think that I just go around busting out the jazz hands for no good reason.
Thursday, February 12, 2009
Well, NOW What the Hell Am I Supposed to Name my Unborn Twins?
Because Gin and Juice? No more.
http://thesuperficial.com/2009/02/snoop_dogg_just_lost_all_his_s.php
It's either Sid and Nancy or Luke and Leia.
Snoop, how could you?
http://thesuperficial.com/2009/02/snoop_dogg_just_lost_all_his_s.php
It's either Sid and Nancy or Luke and Leia.
Snoop, how could you?
Grace in Small Things
1.) Seeing that Boy Chris became a fan of "Your Mom" on Facebook and nearly spitting coffee all over my keyboard.
2.) Getting my hair did tonight - so long frumpy ponytail!
3.) A buffalo and emu scramble for breakfast.
4.) Valentine's Day plans...
5.) Bright pink shirts from Target for $3.
6.) The phrase "Fat Kids Fried Drunk Camp for Lonely Fatties" because that is fucking hysterical.
2.) Getting my hair did tonight - so long frumpy ponytail!
3.) A buffalo and emu scramble for breakfast.
4.) Valentine's Day plans...
5.) Bright pink shirts from Target for $3.
6.) The phrase "Fat Kids Fried Drunk Camp for Lonely Fatties" because that is fucking hysterical.
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
What to Wear Wednesday: Special Double Issue
Today we have TWO questions and since I feel like an ass for making people wait, I'll address them both in one post. We'll call it a "Hotties from Pasadena" special edition if you will.
Our first question is from KB:
"When is it appropriate to wear brown and black together? I seem to scoff whenever I see them together."
I have never really been a fan of mixing black and brown. Call me a rule-follower or unimaginative, but I couldn't quite wrap my head around a way to mix the two but still create a cohesive outfit. BUT! My friend Roadtripper got me hooked on a fabulous fashion blog: http://whatiwore2day.blogspot.com/ and she has included some photos and examples of how she pulls this off. (Sidenote: I fully realize I am cribbing info from someone else, but I am also CREDITING the original artist like a good little English major so back off, OK?)
Here are some photos of how Kasmira, the author, mixes black and brown. While these outfits may not be everyone's cup of tea, I give her credit for linking the colors through accessories and managing to look purposeful rather than haphazard. It seems like you need to have a base, black OR brown, and then add accessories in the other color, and THEN a pop of something else just to keep yourself from being too boring. If you give it a whirl, send me some tips and photos!
Question #2 comes from Auditing Your Outfit and it is a doozy, kids.
"So my question does not pertain to fashion advice for myself (although I could definitely use it), but how to approach and solve the issues of others. And by others I do not mean the people I like to gawk at in Starbucks or at the grocery store. I mean those in my office. A place of business. A conservative corporate giant where it is supposed to be an honor to work (or something like that). All of these people have a college eduction, some even have a masters or a law degree. But for whatever reason, they cannot fathom that it is inappropriate to:
1) Wear pants that are a good inch too short (with white sport socks, sometimes)
2) Rock the camel-toe as though their names are actually Annie
3) Dress as though they can go directly from work to the club with ease
4) Sport 2-3 inches of cleavage (and still wonder why people don't look at thier face in meetings)
2) Rock the camel-toe as though their names are actually Annie
3) Dress as though they can go directly from work to the club with ease
4) Sport 2-3 inches of cleavage (and still wonder why people don't look at thier face in meetings)
5) Appear in apparal my mother (or grandmother actually) would have been wearing circa 1986 (not in a cool retro way, let's not give people the benefit of the doubt here)
Those are the top 5.
Now I am not saying that its not okay to have commited one of the aforementioned offenses. It is NOT okay that committing the offenses is the norm rather than exception to the rule. It is an accounting firm people. Don't show up to work in an outfit that you stole from the set of Flashdance and think people are going to take you seriously in a meeting. Save that for when I see you at Starbucks or the grocery store. How, oh how do I even tell these people they are so so wrong? Please help."
Oh Auditing... It's like we work at the same place! Chico is a very casual, laid-back town and our entire campus reflects that vibe but damn, some people really take it to an extreme. Shorts and flip-flops are not the way to go when you work in an office. People use the hot summer weather as an excuse or claim comfort, but I am a firm believer that a skirt and nice sandals are just as comfy, cool and likely more flattering. And, you know, WORK APPROPRIATE.
We have a couple of issues going on here: inappropriate attire vs straight up fugly. Let's address the former first.
If someone who reports to you is dressing inappropriately (too casual, too revealing, whatever), pulling him or her aside for a little chat is fine. Or, you can have HR do your dirty work for you: a well-crafted memo reminding people of What is Acceptable and What is Not OK might help kick some butts into professional gear. Specific examples work here (mentioning cleavage, short skirts, etc) and you don't need to run around talking to everyone individually. And if you have an actual dress code for your office/corporation, post it or attach it to the memo. A procedure can be enforced. Bonus: YOU are not the Bad Cop. It's The Man keeping everyone down.
Now for the problem of bad taste. Yeah, if people are dressing within the confines of what is technically acceptable, but are doing so poorly (ie a suit with shoulder pads) there isn't much you can do unless you just want to start calling people out. Note: I am not really opposed to this, just not sure if you want to be known as the Style Police. If you are friends with one of the offenders, invite her to lunch near a store with some cute outfits in the window. Stop in front of the store and INSIST you go in and have her try something on. Rave about how freaking adorable she is until she buys it. Compliment the improvements to the wardrobe and point out flattering pieces.
I did this with a co-worker and there has been a marked improvement in her daily wear. Sure, she sometimes wears black pants with white socks and brown shoes (for reals) BUT more often than not she's looking more polished and like she put a little thought into her look. True story.
Sometimes a little positive reinforcement goes further than telling people they look like shit. Best of luck!
Sometimes a little positive reinforcement goes further than telling people they look like shit. Best of luck!
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
OK, I Will Call You "Varsity" If You Stop Emailing Me Pictures of Your Eyeball
From Cappa, who damn near scared the living shit out of me when I opened my email to find THIS:
Look who perfected the liquid eyeliner on the top AND bottom...and then documented it for praise and also to make me poop myself? Go Cappa...uh, I mean "Varsity!"
Look who perfected the liquid eyeliner on the top AND bottom...and then documented it for praise and also to make me poop myself? Go Cappa...uh, I mean "Varsity!"
This Is a Crappy Excuse for a Post but I'm Taking All Kinds of Hell for My Hiatus
Hey Interweb...what's happening? (Say that like Bill in Office Space.) Apparently people actually read this thing because I have taken some crap for not updating the last couple of days. Um, sorry? Mama killed some brain cells this weekend and is planning to do an Afterschool Special/Very Special Episode-type of post COMPLETE WITH PHOTOS as soon as said pictures are procured. Hang in there - evidence of the full powers of my jackassery will be here soon.
In the meantime, here are some deep thoughts for you:
-I read this: http://www.whiskeymarie.com/2009/01/whats-wrong-with-me-part-7463.html and pretty much lost my shit because I play this same game ALL THE TIME. Meetings, the grocery store, coffee shop, random cocktail party: it's a sickness. But apparently someone else suffers from it so at least I'm not alone in the crazy. So, you know...good for me? I think? Anyone else out there want to cop to this kind of insanity?
-When did CSU Hayward become CSU East Bay? That's weird.
-It has come to my attention that after exhausting the armed forces I am now just collecting The Village People. The Indian Chief is going to be a challenge but I think I'm up for it.
-Don't you love those days when you kind of threw together an outfit and didn't really have time to do anything with your hair (which is an out of control mess anyway and probably beyond help) and yet people stop you in the hallway to say you look cute? Because I fucking love those days.
In the meantime, here are some deep thoughts for you:
-I read this: http://www.whiskeymarie.com/2009/01/whats-wrong-with-me-part-7463.html and pretty much lost my shit because I play this same game ALL THE TIME. Meetings, the grocery store, coffee shop, random cocktail party: it's a sickness. But apparently someone else suffers from it so at least I'm not alone in the crazy. So, you know...good for me? I think? Anyone else out there want to cop to this kind of insanity?
-When did CSU Hayward become CSU East Bay? That's weird.
-It has come to my attention that after exhausting the armed forces I am now just collecting The Village People. The Indian Chief is going to be a challenge but I think I'm up for it.
-Don't you love those days when you kind of threw together an outfit and didn't really have time to do anything with your hair (which is an out of control mess anyway and probably beyond help) and yet people stop you in the hallway to say you look cute? Because I fucking love those days.
Thursday, February 5, 2009
You Must Chill!
I don't know what the hell has come over me but this may be known as the Week of Extreme Spazziness. Examples?
-I stupidly had a cup of coffee at 3pm (I am seriously under doctor's orders NOT to do that if I intend to sleep that night) and by the time I got home at 5:30 I was completely hopped up. I went for a run hoping to burn off some of the crazy and, you know, get some exercise. It wasn't so much "running" as darting about and sprinting through my neighborhood. I didn't feel especially hungry but am glad I took my mom's advice and sat down to eat because if nothing else, food could help counteract some of the caffeine. Right? Mmmm...not so much.
-The run and some sleepy time tea seemed to lull me into a delightful peaceful state...only for me to bolt wide awake at 4am. Awesome! As someone who has suffered with insomnia, I have a pretty good bag of tricks on hand to relax myself and get back to sleep. But my brain? It had other ideas and WOULD NOT CALM DOWN. I started worrying about what I am going to wear to my friend Monica's wedding. Her wedding is in September. Yeah. I don't know what to say either.
-This week marked the completion and initial approval of a huge project I've been toiling away on for work. I won't bore you with the details, but this was one of those projects that went on and it seemed like it would never end. I had nightmares about submitting the report, but without a cover page and being told I had to start all over again. (What, YOU don't have stress dreams about work? Well, excuse me, Captain Well-Adjusted.) The shrieking and jumping and happy dancing that went on in my office when I received word that it was a go and being sent up to the next level of bureaucracy was akin to something you'd see at a cheerleading camp. I'm pretty sure I pulled something in the process, which is a true testament of my enthusiasm, ridiculousness and age. Go me! Also, I knocked into a filing cabinet during one of my little kicky-dance things and have a few lovely bruises on my leg. There are five year-olds with better impulse control.
Is this adult onset ADD? Or am I just plain nuts? The burst of energy isn't unwelcome and it's been a fabulous week so maybe I should just roll with it.
-I stupidly had a cup of coffee at 3pm (I am seriously under doctor's orders NOT to do that if I intend to sleep that night) and by the time I got home at 5:30 I was completely hopped up. I went for a run hoping to burn off some of the crazy and, you know, get some exercise. It wasn't so much "running" as darting about and sprinting through my neighborhood. I didn't feel especially hungry but am glad I took my mom's advice and sat down to eat because if nothing else, food could help counteract some of the caffeine. Right? Mmmm...not so much.
-The run and some sleepy time tea seemed to lull me into a delightful peaceful state...only for me to bolt wide awake at 4am. Awesome! As someone who has suffered with insomnia, I have a pretty good bag of tricks on hand to relax myself and get back to sleep. But my brain? It had other ideas and WOULD NOT CALM DOWN. I started worrying about what I am going to wear to my friend Monica's wedding. Her wedding is in September. Yeah. I don't know what to say either.
-This week marked the completion and initial approval of a huge project I've been toiling away on for work. I won't bore you with the details, but this was one of those projects that went on and it seemed like it would never end. I had nightmares about submitting the report, but without a cover page and being told I had to start all over again. (What, YOU don't have stress dreams about work? Well, excuse me, Captain Well-Adjusted.) The shrieking and jumping and happy dancing that went on in my office when I received word that it was a go and being sent up to the next level of bureaucracy was akin to something you'd see at a cheerleading camp. I'm pretty sure I pulled something in the process, which is a true testament of my enthusiasm, ridiculousness and age. Go me! Also, I knocked into a filing cabinet during one of my little kicky-dance things and have a few lovely bruises on my leg. There are five year-olds with better impulse control.
Is this adult onset ADD? Or am I just plain nuts? The burst of energy isn't unwelcome and it's been a fabulous week so maybe I should just roll with it.
Wednesday, February 4, 2009
What to Wear Wednesday: Eyeliner How-To
My very first question comes from "Tammy F" in Minnesota:
"Okay... my first question... eyeliner.. whats the best way to apply it without making you look like a hooker?"
Hi Tammy!
This question could not be more perfect! I have struggled with eyeliner for years. Make-up people at every counter always want to put it on me and it ends up looking too severe, too raccoon-like. Not really the look you or I want to rock. Lately I've been experimenting a bit and have found a few variables help you stay on the right side of sexy.
Usually one of the first mistakes with eyeliner is color selection. Even applied perfectly, the wrong color is going to be horribly unflattering. Black is incredibly harsh for most people and can actually make your eyes look smaller, not bigger. Knowing you and your coloring, I'd opt for brown or even a deep plum. Dark greens can be pretty, too, as long as they aren't too yellow. I recommend Clinique's True Khaki; it comes with a blending spongey thingy on the other end to help correct mistakes. Perfect for an eyeliner novice! You want the eyeliner to complement your eyeshadow palette, so choose accordingly.
Now for the application: I learned this trick from Carmindy on What Not to Wear and oh sweet Lord, it works! Hold your eyelid taut. Start at the outer corner, and work your way in. BUT! Don't try to draw one, long, straight line. Make little dash marks very close to your lashline as you slowly move toward the inside. (I don't go all the way to the inside corner because my lashes are blonde and sparse there and it looks weird.) Play around a little and see what looks right for you. Start lightly and darken as you feel more confident; it's easier to add more than try to fix a heavy-handed approach. I tend to go for a subtle look that just makes my lashes look a little thicker and darker. If you want a bolder line, I would start small and build up, or get a thicker pencil. Sue Devitt makes great ones (excellent color selection and easy to use) that also come with the blending spongey thingy.
Another cause of Hooker Eyes (Is that even A THING? Yes, I am declaring it IS.) is too much eyeliner on the top AND bottom. You have options here. I tend to skip the bottom, and apply a little mascara instead. However, if you really feel you need a little somethin' somethin', I'd use the same approach , but focus on the outer corners.
If you're not into pencils, you can always pick up an eyeliner brush (the Sonia Kashuk line at Target has nice options) and dip it into an eyeshadow you like. Follow the same application technique as above. This usually has a softer effect and the color options might be more appealing.
Interested in liquid eyeliner? Um, yeah. You will need to consult someone who can handle it. That stuff is varsity level as far as I'm concerned, and always looks hookerish on me. Sorry.
Best of luck and send pictures of your hot look!
"Okay... my first question... eyeliner.. whats the best way to apply it without making you look like a hooker?"
Hi Tammy!
This question could not be more perfect! I have struggled with eyeliner for years. Make-up people at every counter always want to put it on me and it ends up looking too severe, too raccoon-like. Not really the look you or I want to rock. Lately I've been experimenting a bit and have found a few variables help you stay on the right side of sexy.
Usually one of the first mistakes with eyeliner is color selection. Even applied perfectly, the wrong color is going to be horribly unflattering. Black is incredibly harsh for most people and can actually make your eyes look smaller, not bigger. Knowing you and your coloring, I'd opt for brown or even a deep plum. Dark greens can be pretty, too, as long as they aren't too yellow. I recommend Clinique's True Khaki; it comes with a blending spongey thingy on the other end to help correct mistakes. Perfect for an eyeliner novice! You want the eyeliner to complement your eyeshadow palette, so choose accordingly.
Now for the application: I learned this trick from Carmindy on What Not to Wear and oh sweet Lord, it works! Hold your eyelid taut. Start at the outer corner, and work your way in. BUT! Don't try to draw one, long, straight line. Make little dash marks very close to your lashline as you slowly move toward the inside. (I don't go all the way to the inside corner because my lashes are blonde and sparse there and it looks weird.) Play around a little and see what looks right for you. Start lightly and darken as you feel more confident; it's easier to add more than try to fix a heavy-handed approach. I tend to go for a subtle look that just makes my lashes look a little thicker and darker. If you want a bolder line, I would start small and build up, or get a thicker pencil. Sue Devitt makes great ones (excellent color selection and easy to use) that also come with the blending spongey thingy.
Another cause of Hooker Eyes (Is that even A THING? Yes, I am declaring it IS.) is too much eyeliner on the top AND bottom. You have options here. I tend to skip the bottom, and apply a little mascara instead. However, if you really feel you need a little somethin' somethin', I'd use the same approach , but focus on the outer corners.
If you're not into pencils, you can always pick up an eyeliner brush (the Sonia Kashuk line at Target has nice options) and dip it into an eyeshadow you like. Follow the same application technique as above. This usually has a softer effect and the color options might be more appealing.
Interested in liquid eyeliner? Um, yeah. You will need to consult someone who can handle it. That stuff is varsity level as far as I'm concerned, and always looks hookerish on me. Sorry.
Best of luck and send pictures of your hot look!
Tuesday, February 3, 2009
What to Wear Wednesday. Or Something Like That?
It's no secret that I like to tell people what to do and think my official title should be The Boss of You. We can blame it on being an only child for close to 28 years. Or being my mother's daughter.
Hit me with your best shot.
*Why Wednesday? Because it's Hump Day and that cracks me up. Don't look at me like that. This isn't parenting advice or finishing school, OK?
With some prodding from FraochNiCymru, I am starting up a little advice column...but with a specific purpose. Can you guess what it is?
Well, I'll give you a hint:
Anyone who owns this much lip gloss knows her shit.
And anyone who owns THIS should not be ignored.
I know what you may be thinking. Aren't you the girl perpetually covered in crumbs? Didn't you used to have feathered bangs? And isn't there a picture of you in your high school yearbook sporting a top from Wet Seal with a matching fucking scrunchie? Yes, I will own up to all of the above. Let's just look past all that and move forward, mmmk?
Hit me with your best shot.
*Why Wednesday? Because it's Hump Day and that cracks me up. Don't look at me like that. This isn't parenting advice or finishing school, OK?
Grace in Small Things
1.) Friends who encourage my immaturity and revel in making jokes with the word "balls" in them.
2.) Hearing the phone ring, expecting it to be a telemarketer, and seeing Lili's name and number instead.
3.) Sour cream to put on my burrito (well, a burrito minus the tortilla) and tangellos in my salad.
4.) Tuesday is my Monday. Thursday is my Friday. Effin' A, Cotton. Effin' A.
5.) Coffee in the morning and string cheese in the afternoon.
2.) Hearing the phone ring, expecting it to be a telemarketer, and seeing Lili's name and number instead.
3.) Sour cream to put on my burrito (well, a burrito minus the tortilla) and tangellos in my salad.
4.) Tuesday is my Monday. Thursday is my Friday. Effin' A, Cotton. Effin' A.
5.) Coffee in the morning and string cheese in the afternoon.
Sunday, February 1, 2009
My Favorite Things: What I'm Wearing
There have been some requests for photos of some of my Favorite Things in my wardrobe. It's Monday, I'm bored, and I have a camera. Let's do this!
Chicken Dress: I found this frock at a store here in Chico in their small "vintage" section. It was so 1950's and fun and inexpensive so I snagged it. Why is it called "The Chicken Dress" you ask? Because the pattern features flowers and chickens. Duh. I wore it to church with my grandma and she went crazy over it; I've seen pictures of her back in the day and she was one stylin' fox (how she managed that while wrangling five rambunctious boys I'll never know) so I'm taking that as a compliment. It's not lined and the skirt is see-through so I have to wear a slip with it, which actually makes me feel really proper and all Sandra Dee-ish.
This one's for you, Roadtripper... Please note the classy location for this photo shoot: my bathroom.
Black Boots: My quest for black boots was a complicated one, mostly because I am high-maintenance. I didn't want TOO high of a heel, or TOO pointy of a toe, and I also didn't want something that looked like it was straight out of Herman Munster's closet and I didn't want anything that looked like someone took a Bedazzler to it...my list of demands was ridiculous, really. Luckily DSW came to the rescue with this pair by Bandolino. Hallelujia!
How do I *really* know these are a winner? Gay men gave it the thumbs up.
Anthropologie Skirt: The skirt that made me Anthro's bitch for life. Eight years after its purchase I still wear it as much as possible and receive compliments on the unique style. Sometimes I worry it's a bit much. I mean, it's pretty bright and features sparkles - but if that doesn't describe me, I don't know what does. The material is soft and it makes me feel pretty. So there.
The bright colors! The beading at the bottom! So in love after all these years!
Pashmina Collection: All the haters out there can shut it. Go ahead and argue that pashminas are SO 1998. Whatever. They are cozy and can add some color to a blah outfit. And double as a blankie on an airplane. Magic! These photos should be proof that I have A Problem but they are all used, so I feel OK about that.
Exhibit A: The winter/fall color collection
Exhibit B: The spring/summer collection
Pink Clutch: Elisabeth sent this to me for my birthday one year and I may have actually squealed a little when I unwrapped it. It's completely girly - pink AND sparkly - which is nice for a tomboy like me.
Hello, Lover...The Super Classy T-Shirt Collection: Lest you think I'm the Queen of England, here's evidence that CKD knows how to rock and roll all night, AND party every day. With, you know, breaks for snacks and napping of course. Probably the best purchases of 1998, really. The "Dick's" shirt is from a burger place in Seattle, hence the tagline "Where TASTE is the difference." I don't wear these shirts out in public anymore, but there was a time when I didn't think twice about sporting them out and about. My mom did not love that phase.
Van Halen, 1980 Invasion. Oh heeeelllll yes!
This shirt is so bright you can probably see it from space. Obviously, it was love at first sight.
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