Happy Birthday Cappa! aka "That's a Hot Tranny Mess!"

What, you thought I'd do a birthday tribute for Jesus? Nope. Today we are celebrating Courtney Cappa: fashionista, Facebook addict, and lush.

Cappa and I met earlier this year at Boy Chris' bachelor party in Vegas, so I don't have as many embarrassing or touching stories about her, but what I do have? Oh, there be some gems. And the photos? Oh man, the photos... Neither one of us will ever be able to run for public office.

Cappa apparently tried to break some sort of binge drinking record in Vegas the first night and was heard telling Boy Chris, as she leaned on him for support, "Sorry if I drool on you a little." That right there pretty much sealed it for me: this broad is a keeper.

Cappa tried to take advantage of groomsman/nurse Jared's surefire hangover cures in Vegas: IV hydration bags after said night of drunken foolishness. There was some mishap with getting this plan to work, but the sight of this hungover girl in a Vegas hotel room trying to rally for night two was inspiring. Talk about dedication to the cause.

Cappa offers excellent wardrobe advice, which is always appreciated by Girl Chris, the fashion retard. From what to wear to a wedding to a weekend in New York, the girl is spot-on.

Cappa preached the Gospel of Dunkin Donuts coffee to me, which led me to give it a whirl and fall head over heels in love. So, yeah, thanks for getting me hooked on something I can't get locally.

Cappa's birthday falls on Christmas (duh) but rather than whine about it, she chooses to see the positive: she never has to work, it's festive, her family is gathered together...basically, the glass is half full. Of beer. Or Dunkin Donuts coffee.

Cappa got stuck with the bar tab Boy Chris and I rang up. As a joke, we got the bartender to transfer our tab to hers, and she "consented" by giving him a smile and a thumbs up. For some reason she still speaks to us.

Cappa, you bring the party with you wherever you go, and I am so grateful that my circle of friends now includes you. To quote you, "we are rad bitches." Truer words were never spoken. Enjoy your day!

Such an introvert.

Oh, Yeah, This IS a Business Trip

The original reason for flying down to Pasadena was to attend a conference put on by Green Technology magazine. The focus is green building and the community college system, which is pretty much what my job is all about. It was an amazing, overwhelming, exciting, educational event and I feel re-energized about my gig. Also, my boss won an award so I feel superior to a lot of other people. Shocker.

Last night I got a peek at some photos from Boy Chris' bachelor party that I completely forgot about. Looks like someone was rolling blank tape in Vegas. Excellent. Anyway, nothing terribly scandalous, but nothing I want my grandma to see.

Today is Day 3: Operation Destroy My Liver. Apparently we're headed to old town to watch the Dodgers (I am so mad I forgot my Giants hat!) and visit with more friends. Tomorrow's agenda includes sleeping in, time by the pool and possibly beer. OK, DEFINITELY beer. Let's do this!

Shock and Awwww Yeah

Me: "...and she's all freaked out because a week earlier we were partying it up and dancing in a cage and she had no idea."

Him: "Hold up. You were what?"

Me: "Well, you know, drinking and we went out dancing."

Him: "No, back up. You were dancing in a cage?"

Me: "What, I was, like, 22. It wasn't my job or anything."

Him: "Are there pictures of this?"

Me: "I don't think so. But you're talking to the girl who woke up on top of the covers in her underwear with a bruise on her forehead from hitting it on the toilet. So, there totally could be. I have no idea."

Him: "I'm going to Google your name and cage dancing."

Me: "Go for it. And let me know if you find pictures of me and another girl in an elevator in Vegas this year."

Him: *Stares in silence without blinking*

Me: "OK, I can explain that one - "

Him: "Don't. I want to be surprised."

Viva Las Vegas! Oh, and Mom and Dave, too.

Today is Mom and Dave's 6th wedding anniversary. After 18 years of togetherness and a two week engagement (during which time I circulated pregnancy rumors) we jetted off to Vegas with a handful of friends for the world's most low-key wedding. Why make it official after so long? Tax breaks, people. My parents are nothing if not practical. And they kind of like each other too.

I convinced my mom at the last minute to get some flowers, just because it felt like we were running an errand and we needed to girl it up a bit. Dave's good friends Kurt and Mike showed up as a surprise, which was great fun. I'm glad they made it not only because they are cool guys, but because Mike hooked us up with a poolside cabana at the Four Seasons. Princess Christen could stand to roll like that all the time.

The weekend was not without a bit of drama: someone who shall remain me managed to faint in the airport en route to Vegas...and was denied the ability to board a flight for the rest of the day. After riding in an ambulance with the most attractive paramedic I have ever seen in real life, I was deemed dehydrated, given an IV and released. Still made it to Vegas in time for the wedding and acted as the official witness for the big event. Way to rally!

Here's a tip for all of you: when you call your mom from an emergency room the day before her wedding to tell her you lost consciousness and hit your head, expect a little bit of freaking out.

I'm not sure what the official anniversary gift is for six years so I am gifting my parents with my unconditional love and an Interweb shout-out. Go Team!

Ode to Boy Chris aka "What's up Fatty McFatFat!"

Boy and Girl, still rockin' into the wee hours after Chris' wedding.

Are you sick of me talking all about me? Yeah, so am I. So today we're switching it up and putting the spotlight on Boy Chris. It's his 30th birthday, so it feels appropriate. Want me to do a little E! True Hollyword Story about you on your birthday? Great, because I think I'm going to start that.

So, back in the fall of 1996 I set off for school in Tacoma, WA and randomly decided I was going to be known as "Chris" while there. I wasn't going to demand my family and pre-UPS friends change it up, but I was reinventing myself I guess. My new dormmates and I are walking past a group of fellow orientation participants when this loud guy shouts out:

"Hi! Hey, what's your name?"
After figuring out he was addressing me and my group of friends..."Hi, I'm Chris."
"My name is Chris, too. Great name! Come sit down."

And we were off! Within a few moments we had figured out we were both from California, enjoyed the creative genius of Adam Sandler and were incurable smart asses. We were inseparable and became known as "Boy Chris" and "Girl Chris" for the next...well, forever I guess. We still call each other by these nicknames. If we are around my family he will call me "Christen" and I flinch. It's weird.

Chris ate corndogs every day of our freshman year and never gained weight. Part of me wanted to hurt him, but I have to admit I was envious.

Chris is color-blind and didn't believe me when I told him he bought a green area rug for his dorm room. He thought it was gray.

Chris held my hair back the first time I threw up after drinking too much and was so nice about it. (Anyone who has known me for more than 20 seconds knows I cannot handle anything vomit-related, so imagine that scene in Michelle's bathroom.) He acted like it was completely normal, and his slightly-less-drunk version of the story is hilarious.

Chris is a Dodger fan. I am a Giants fan. We try not to discuss this much.

Chris once had a guy who hurt me thrown out of one of his frat parties because I couldn't stand the sight of him. He also made sure the jackass was "blacklisted" to spare me the horror of having to deal with it again.

Chris' bachelor party in Las Vegas. That's all I will say.

Chris has never looked happier or more content with life than on his wedding day to the lovely Katie. They have been together for over 8 years and when he talks about her today he still sounds like someone in those early shmoopy stages of love.

Aren't they cute? Hi Katie! She is a brilliant veterinarian. I love her.

Chris called or emailed me daily when I was going through a rough patch in early June. He immediately offered up the guest room and poolside daiquiris as a place for me to recuperate among friends. The kindness of this offer made me cry all over again. In the wake of feeling so hurt and smacked down by life, he and Katie reminded me that there is so much good in people and I am so lucky to have them in my life.

Happy Birthday, Boy Chris! Try not to party like it's 1996. We were so obnoxious then.