Since I Can't Buy the World a Coke...

I'll send a round of shout-outs to some pretty fabulous MVP's in my life. Obviously, each of you is fantastic, but we have some standouts.

Boy Chris and Katie (and by extension, the whole Pasadena crew): I am still in awe of their hospitality and general fabulousness. These two are amazing hosts (not to mention great cooks) and should open a bed and breakfast or something. You guys all rock and the pleas to move down have made me feel real special-like.

Elisabeth: As usual, my girl continues to be hilarious and down-to-earth. When I mentioned that I would be happy to go to her usual mommy group events when I visit her, she replied, "No, it'll be good to talk about something other than a baby carrier or if my kid is crawling. I need to talk to someone about normal stuff." Also, she has already told Daddy Nick that he will be watching Miss Juno while Mommy and Auntie get their drink on. Her acupuncture practice is getting off the ground and she and Nick are raising the most smiley, lovely baby girl. (And here I get all excited about my multi-tasking skills when I manage to apply eye shadow while talking on the phone.)

Enrique: aka Mc Phresh Rico...or just Rico. Guess who is home from Iraq? Booya! A dear friend of mine is a Navy reservist and has spent the last year away from his attractive wife and their darling son. Read all about his adventures in country here http://narmya.blogspot.com/ if you haven't checked it out. Well-written and an interesting perspective on the life of a soldier. I am so happy he is home and safe, and greatly admire they way he and his wife continued to work as a team during their time apart. Also, Rico can quote Sixteen Candles backwards and forwards so he's just generally a rad guy.

Mom: How many moms take their kid out for a good hangover lunch? Not many, but mine sure stepped up. As good as the food sounded, my poor system could only handle a Coke and some salad, but I appreciated her offer of ribs and cornbread. Then we went and bought a lamp for her and a cocktail dress for me. Of course. Mom, you're aces.

I May Never Leave

Have I mentioned how freakishly awesome Boy Chris and Katie are? Allow me to do that once again. I've been having a crappy week and Boy was there with encouragement and support and BEER. Lots and lots of beer (see yesterday's post for proof of that) and jokes and fist bumps. I may move in here and let them adopt me. Kendrick and I watched the debate while they grilled our dinner. Wong came over, which meant I tackled him at the front door and we headed out to the bars. Again. Boy Chris and I regaled him with tales of our youth (ie, "Dude, this one time, I was drunk, and there were some firecrackers...") and I'm fairly certain Wong is going to provoke me to fight just so he can see me take a swing at someone.

This morning I awoke to Katie's greeting of, "Good morning, Sunshine!" and FRESH BAKED CROISSANTS, courtesy of Boy. Needless to say, my week is turning around.

I love it here. Send my shoes and forward my mail.

Hey, I'm Hammered

Hi Kids!

Mama's on vacation...and she may never come back. Boy Chris has been AMAZING. I showed up early and his ass was at baggage claim, ready to deal with me and my crazy self. He may mix Jack and Coke Zero, but he is the BEST person you will ever know! Lieutenant Kendrick (aka Lieutenant Kendrick) met up with us for beers and lunch. A sample of our chats:

Boy Chris: 90% of women are CRAZY. 10% are STABBIN' CRAZY.
Girl Chris: And you know I'm in that 10%!
Boy Chris: Fuck yeah! Shivved in the kitchen...
Girl Chris: That would be an awesome band name: SHIVVED IN THE KITCHEN!
Lt Kendrick: *Drops part of his burger* *Almost chokes from LAUGHING and SHEER AWESOMENESS OF MY MIND
Bartender: *Cracks up laughing*

Boy Chris: Cheers to 11 years of THIS
Girl Chris: Try 12, Bitch!
Boy Chris: Damn. You got OLD!

Who loves day drinking? I DO!!!!

Kim + Justin Forever 2: Electric Boogaloo

Yes, I have been criminally behind in my reports from the Portland Wedding Reception Extravaganza in honor of Kim and Justin. It was awesome. We reverted back to 1996 only with less Boone's Farm and more discussions of the housing market. That makes no sense but roll with it, OK?

The weekend started off with me spanking Jen in the airport... and then it just got awesome.

Smooches from the Bride to the Groom

Lynn and Fritz threw an amazing party and it was great to meet Justin's lovely family, too. Thanks for showing us ain't no party like a P-town party!

Girl Chris and Boy Chris flank Fritz, father of the bride. We LOVE Kim's family. I was greeted with, "It's THE Girl Chris!" and a huge hug. Then Fritz asked me to help him take care of some chardonnay. Who am I to refuse such a request? He was thrilled to be photographed with the Chrises.

After the reception we headed over to Kim and Justin's sweet new townhouse. It's awesome and perfect for entertaining. Around this time Boy and Girl decided shots were in order. God bless the Kimmer: she had some tequila on hand. The Sigma Chi shot glasses added an extra touch of class.

Grabbing a drink before dinner at McMenamin's. Kim's adorable friend Jean, Beautiful Bride Kimberly, and Girl Chris. Chug those beers ladies! Our table is ready down the street...

We were carded at dinner, which always warms my heart. Boy felt the need to sass the waitress so she skipped his drink order. Oh, snap! Then we headed out to a new bar, because God forbid we sit still.

Dude, you're stuck with her now. Kim is possibly the cutest drunk ever.

This place offered party bowls, which just leads to trouble. If someone ever suggests a drink called an "Adios Motherfucker" just say "no." Don't think about it: JUST SAY "NO" and then switch to water. Don't agree to a race to see who can drink which bowl the fastest, and if people call you a "pussy" just take it. Don't be a hero. Nothing the color of Windex should be consumed by humans. But it is tasty.

The drink in question in front of Katie and Boy Chris.

Jen amused and semi-horrified by the drunken antics taking place around her. Jen has a Magellan-like sense of direction and got us all over Portland with no issues. She was also a huge hit with the homeless teens who called out, "Hey Woman, what's your name?" Her husband is a great guy and all, but always nice to know you have options.

What, you DIDN'T want a picture I took of myself down the front of my dress? Sorry. See kids, THIS is why we say "NO" to the party bowls.

I woke up Sunday hungover and covered in bruises. And I felt like I had whiplash, too, which was weird. I also found a note in my purse that read, "YOU ARE BEEFY" and was in Boy Chris' handwriting. No idea what that meant.

As the token Single Person I entertained/scared my friends with stories of my life and gamely participated in a Q&A session about What Went Down and The World of Dating Now.

Portland is now on the short list of places where I might end up at some point. Great friends, clean, affordable...even my hair looked better when I was there. Portland, you really may be the land of milk and honey!

Now If I Can Just Figure Out Where the Bruises Came From...

Here's a summary of my weekend as recorded by me on various cocktail napkins and pieces of paper. This will be funny to about four people, but whatever.

"Fine. I'm fine. It's FINE."

"She has three kids. Leah, Maggie and the other one."

"PF Chang's is known for its slutty fortune cookies."

"We're total locals!"

'Why you gotta throw down challenges? You know we'll meet them."

"You don't understand. I'm about to find out who the fifth cylon is!"
"If I didn't like you so much I'd be embarrassed to know you."

"The IOC is pretty gangsta."

"Remember DSC? Down syndrome cat? We called her that because she looked like a cat with Down Syndrome."

Things are a little nutty in the life of CKD so more details - and hopefully photos - will be available soon. The weekend was pretty fantastic and love was in the air. That, and the smell of tequila. Same thing in my world!

Ode to Boy Chris aka "What's up Fatty McFatFat!"

Boy and Girl, still rockin' into the wee hours after Chris' wedding.

Are you sick of me talking all about me? Yeah, so am I. So today we're switching it up and putting the spotlight on Boy Chris. It's his 30th birthday, so it feels appropriate. Want me to do a little E! True Hollyword Story about you on your birthday? Great, because I think I'm going to start that.

So, back in the fall of 1996 I set off for school in Tacoma, WA and randomly decided I was going to be known as "Chris" while there. I wasn't going to demand my family and pre-UPS friends change it up, but I was reinventing myself I guess. My new dormmates and I are walking past a group of fellow orientation participants when this loud guy shouts out:

"Hi! Hey, what's your name?"
After figuring out he was addressing me and my group of friends..."Hi, I'm Chris."
"My name is Chris, too. Great name! Come sit down."

And we were off! Within a few moments we had figured out we were both from California, enjoyed the creative genius of Adam Sandler and were incurable smart asses. We were inseparable and became known as "Boy Chris" and "Girl Chris" for the next...well, forever I guess. We still call each other by these nicknames. If we are around my family he will call me "Christen" and I flinch. It's weird.

Chris ate corndogs every day of our freshman year and never gained weight. Part of me wanted to hurt him, but I have to admit I was envious.

Chris is color-blind and didn't believe me when I told him he bought a green area rug for his dorm room. He thought it was gray.

Chris held my hair back the first time I threw up after drinking too much and was so nice about it. (Anyone who has known me for more than 20 seconds knows I cannot handle anything vomit-related, so imagine that scene in Michelle's bathroom.) He acted like it was completely normal, and his slightly-less-drunk version of the story is hilarious.

Chris is a Dodger fan. I am a Giants fan. We try not to discuss this much.

Chris once had a guy who hurt me thrown out of one of his frat parties because I couldn't stand the sight of him. He also made sure the jackass was "blacklisted" to spare me the horror of having to deal with it again.

Chris' bachelor party in Las Vegas. That's all I will say.

Chris has never looked happier or more content with life than on his wedding day to the lovely Katie. They have been together for over 8 years and when he talks about her today he still sounds like someone in those early shmoopy stages of love.

Aren't they cute? Hi Katie! She is a brilliant veterinarian. I love her.

Chris called or emailed me daily when I was going through a rough patch in early June. He immediately offered up the guest room and poolside daiquiris as a place for me to recuperate among friends. The kindness of this offer made me cry all over again. In the wake of feeling so hurt and smacked down by life, he and Katie reminded me that there is so much good in people and I am so lucky to have them in my life.

Happy Birthday, Boy Chris! Try not to party like it's 1996. We were so obnoxious then.