Maybe next time I go out for drinks and dinner with my boss and our construction management teams (ie my mom and her co-workers) I won't say or do any of the following:
-ask any of the guys if he has his period (or call him a "pussy") if he sticks to beer
-pretend to fellate an empty tequila bottle for photos
-describe my plan to enchant the bouncer with my wit and charm, but tell the intern she may need to switch to plan B: "Bewitch Him with Your Ta-Tas"
-tell the waitress to keep my whiskey sours "light on the sweet-n-sour"
-do the "Peter Fawzi" dance: pantomime licking my hand and then spanking an imaginary ass at the dinner table
So with me off to an excellent start a few of us headed to the Mother Hips show so I could wish the birthday boy well. The show was fun but it has become increasingly obvious that I cannot handle roughly 98% of my fellow humans. I understand you're trying to drunkenly maneuver your way through the crowd, but please don't put your sweaty hand on me.
Then the cab driver and I had a cool talk about sustainability and bringing some small changes into your home. He's going to start replacing his regular lightbulbs with CFL's. Good to know I can function after five whiskey sours and two beers. Made me feel like Big Tom Callahan.
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3 comments:
Funny... I read the list and couldn't help but think that those are things that I SHOULD be doing for a fun night out!
Ah yes, "pre-kid fun," I remember it well. The sad thing is I do stuff like that now -- at home to entertain my three year old son. You know, pantomime and stuff. I save the heavy drinking until after he's asleep.
Oh man, that Pater Fawzi pantomime dates back almost 10 years...and it actually originates from a true incident with Eric Carrasquilla, who sometimes make Pete look like Mother Teresa!
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