Diet? What Diet?

Who would like to man the stopwatch for the countdown until my heart attack?

In my rush to get out the door, I forgot to pack something for breakfast. No worries, right? There's a cafeteria with yogurt and fruit and bagels just a short walk away. Yes, the cafeteria has all of those healthy, delicious options. Which is why I went for the Breakfast in a Cup. Already sounds a little disgusting, huh? And also maybe just a little tasty? Sweetie, you have no idea.

My little Artery-Clogger in a Cup consists of potatoes, egg, sausage (you can get bacon, or BOTH if you want to die before lunch) and is topped with shredded cheese. My co-worker Katie, in a flash of brilliance, adds gravy. (Did I mention you can also get biscuits and gravy here?) For kicks, I asked them to add some on top of the potatoes. People, this may have been the best decision I HAVE EVER MADE. I trimmed my own bangs last week - even though I am paying a professional to do my hair tomorrow - so I've been all over the excellent choices as of late.

It's been about 15 minutes since I inhaled my food, and the tummy is starting to ache a bit. I just told one of the Grounds guys about my breakfast. His response? "You got the GRAVY? Man, the stuff in the cup is bad enough. You're not looking so good."

Here's hoping my healthy lunch, lovingly prepared by Dave, will counteract the effects of whatever the hell I just ingested.

Oh, have I mentioned that the last time I had my cholesterol tested it was well over 300? Anything over 200 is "bad" so let that info sink in for a moment. Maybe tomorrow I'll drive blindfolded or cover my bedroom floor with rusty nails and run around barefoot.