Some Cuteness for the Weekend

Juno is three months old! Look at the big girl holding up her head. She is rolling over and smiley...and looking more like Mommy every day.

Tummy time for the wee baby girl. It's like Baby Pilates.

Bigfoot and Relaxation

This weekend means more DeFazio Family Fun Time. Dad, Judy, Bubba and I are headed to Uncle Tim and Aunt Jeanette's cabin in Willow Creek. I haven't been up there in years and am greatly looking forward to some time with the family. The fact that there's a pool doesn't hurt either. And cocktail hour! Oh, cocktail hour. Nothing warms my heart like having my uncle bring me a margarita on the deck.

I cannot express how excited I am for a weekend like this. Wearing my hair in pigtails, never changing out of my swimsuit and playing with the munchkin...pretty muc like when I was six. If I'm feeling ambitious I might read a little and do some writing of my own, but frankly that sounds too hardcore for me.

I did some research on Willow Creek and apparently it's the Bigfoot capital of the world. How did I not know this before? Wait, there's more! There's an annual festival in honor of Bigfoot, and it starts this weekend. How awesome did my weekend just get?

Enjoy, Interweb!

Oh God I Hope She Doesn't Write About Her Period Again

Hey, remember that time I regaled you with tales of cramps? Yeah. Well, Normal Christen is here, so we can go back to discussing my hair and drinking. Comforting, no?

Last night I was watching the Democratic National Convention and I momentarily flashed back to being 10 and annoyed when regular TV was pre-empted for all of the boring speeches and I knew Dukakis wasn't going to be president anyway, so why were we watching this stuff? Kind of funny what childhood stuff sticks and what doesn't. Anyway, I enjoy "the boring speeches" now and hearing Biden and Obama talk just got me all excited for the future because I am an optimist and idealist at heart. I got all fired up and wanted to yell out "Steve Holt!"* but refrained.

My conversation with Dad was cut short last night by the sounds of screams coming from a certain toddler who, from what I could gather, was refusing to put on his jammers and begin The Bedtime Routine. That aside, my dad sounds about a jabillion times better than he did a week ago and our whole family appreciates the concern and love you've been showing. Interweb, you're aces.

I'm on the hunt for black knee-high boots, ideally sexy enough to rock on the weekends, but classy enough that I could wear them to work, too. So if you see any could you let me know? Thanks.

Steve Holt!

*If you get that reference, please let me know so we can make out or something.

Are you there, God? I'm a Freaking Wreck

I'm really OK with most aspects of being single. Going to weddings alone is fine; you don't bring a sandwich to a buffet. I come and go as I please and have vacation plans keeping me busy through 2010. But right about now it would be awesome to have someone around to bring me Advil, water and a heating pad. Not to mention perform other, um... services that help with cramps. Don't even suggest hiring an escort for this. It's like paying a hooker to hold you and I haven't reached that level of desperation.

At the risk of regressing to junior high, I'm about five minutes away from writing myself a note to get out of work due to "lady problems" so I can go home and curse womanhood.

Weird thing is, I also want chocolate. Yeah, you heard me.

At least I'm not like this:

http://www.hulu.com/watch/10234/saturday-night-live-annuale

And Then She Crossed Over to the Old Side

Classes have started on our campus and I find myself overwhelmed with the urge to tell the young women strutting around in tube tops and hot pants to go home and put on some clothes. Nice, Old Lady DeFazio. Don't forget to pick up some Geritol on the way home from work.

In reality I'm probably just bitter that when I was at an age where one could pull off this particular look I was far too self-conscious to even entertain the idea. Now that ship has sailed and I'm annoyed that I somehow wasted my teens and early twenties wearing five layers of clothing and hiking boots. Comfortable? Sure. Cute? No, not even a little bit.

The whole Catholic-school-dress-code and college-in-Tacoma (land of polar fleece and Gortex) had an impact on my fashion choices. Still, I wish Present Me could go back in time and tell Past Me not to be such an uptight bitch.

A Case of the Mondays

Things That Have Made Me Smile Today:

-Coffee Guy telling me he likes my orange top and "You know you looked in the mirror today and thought 'I look good!'"

-The picture of Evan in a wet suit I tacked up on my office wall

-Sour Patch Kids

-Having this: http://renz-o.blogspot.com/ sent to me

Things That Have Made Me Homicidal Today:

-Those darn kids walking and text messaging at the same time

-First day of school traffic

-Tummy ache after too many Sour Patch Kids

-Seriously, guys, look where you are walking. You can text "OMG LOL" when you reach your destination. Walk into me again and I will cut you.

Kim + Justin Forever 2: Electric Boogaloo

Yes, I have been criminally behind in my reports from the Portland Wedding Reception Extravaganza in honor of Kim and Justin. It was awesome. We reverted back to 1996 only with less Boone's Farm and more discussions of the housing market. That makes no sense but roll with it, OK?

The weekend started off with me spanking Jen in the airport... and then it just got awesome.

Smooches from the Bride to the Groom

Lynn and Fritz threw an amazing party and it was great to meet Justin's lovely family, too. Thanks for showing us ain't no party like a P-town party!

Girl Chris and Boy Chris flank Fritz, father of the bride. We LOVE Kim's family. I was greeted with, "It's THE Girl Chris!" and a huge hug. Then Fritz asked me to help him take care of some chardonnay. Who am I to refuse such a request? He was thrilled to be photographed with the Chrises.

After the reception we headed over to Kim and Justin's sweet new townhouse. It's awesome and perfect for entertaining. Around this time Boy and Girl decided shots were in order. God bless the Kimmer: she had some tequila on hand. The Sigma Chi shot glasses added an extra touch of class.

Grabbing a drink before dinner at McMenamin's. Kim's adorable friend Jean, Beautiful Bride Kimberly, and Girl Chris. Chug those beers ladies! Our table is ready down the street...

We were carded at dinner, which always warms my heart. Boy felt the need to sass the waitress so she skipped his drink order. Oh, snap! Then we headed out to a new bar, because God forbid we sit still.

Dude, you're stuck with her now. Kim is possibly the cutest drunk ever.

This place offered party bowls, which just leads to trouble. If someone ever suggests a drink called an "Adios Motherfucker" just say "no." Don't think about it: JUST SAY "NO" and then switch to water. Don't agree to a race to see who can drink which bowl the fastest, and if people call you a "pussy" just take it. Don't be a hero. Nothing the color of Windex should be consumed by humans. But it is tasty.

The drink in question in front of Katie and Boy Chris.

Jen amused and semi-horrified by the drunken antics taking place around her. Jen has a Magellan-like sense of direction and got us all over Portland with no issues. She was also a huge hit with the homeless teens who called out, "Hey Woman, what's your name?" Her husband is a great guy and all, but always nice to know you have options.

What, you DIDN'T want a picture I took of myself down the front of my dress? Sorry. See kids, THIS is why we say "NO" to the party bowls.

I woke up Sunday hungover and covered in bruises. And I felt like I had whiplash, too, which was weird. I also found a note in my purse that read, "YOU ARE BEEFY" and was in Boy Chris' handwriting. No idea what that meant.

As the token Single Person I entertained/scared my friends with stories of my life and gamely participated in a Q&A session about What Went Down and The World of Dating Now.

Portland is now on the short list of places where I might end up at some point. Great friends, clean, affordable...even my hair looked better when I was there. Portland, you really may be the land of milk and honey!

I Left My Heart in San Francisco

Hey Interweb. Did you miss me, Baby? I missed you too. Thanks for being patient while I played nurse/nanny for the Dad set of family in Pacifica. Pop is on the mend, Evan is the best kid ever and Judy's patience and stamina in the face of chaos continues to astound and humble me.

Not much to report on my end other than health scares are...well, fucking scary. And this one wasn't even that bad and the patient is home and recuperating. Still, on the drive back to Chico I had a lot of time to freak out and get all into my own head about how much my family means to me and how I hate that being with one side means being away from the other side...blah blah. Quit bitching, CKD. Everyone's fine, you're fine and there are people in the world with real problems. Still a little concerned and agitated that there is not a definite diagnosis to the problem. I'm pretty sure I could walk in there with my English degree and having watched four episodes of ER and be able to come up with SOMETHING.

The highlight reel from my long weekend in the Bay:

-Evan telling me "I fine. Let go!" when I helped him onto the monkey bars at the park.
-Evan telling Dad that I took a different way to San Bruno. What the hell 2 year old knows which backroads to take to a park in a different city?
-Evan asking to play with my make up and wearing my silver sandals around the house. We love baby trannies!
-OK, pretty much anything and everything Evan did this weekend was awesome. If you want to be bored on an individual basis, please call and let me know and I will give you the full rundown of everything he said and did.
-Driving Dad's new van and almost killing us by flying out of the driveway and then slamming on the brakes, nearly sending Dad through the windshield. In my defense, I am not accustomed to modified vehicles. Plus, I am a terrible driver.
-Judy offering me hot chocolate as I curled up on the couch to watch the Olympics.

I am wiped, kids. Tomorrow it's back to work and rockin' in the free world. Woo!

Happy Birthday Elisabeth! aka "I like cheesy beans!"

(From Left to Right) Elisabeth, Christen, and Mary, 1st grade. (I have no idea what Mary is up to these days, but she was a nice girl.) We wore this exact outfit every day for 8 years. Should explain my aversion to plaid and polyester... and why I don't think the "schoolgirl fantasy" is hot.

Well, look who's 30! My BFF and partner in crime for 24 years: Elisabeth (aka Lili, Biff and several other names that we shall not mention here). I love this girl like a fat kid loves cake and I am so glad that distance and time and all of the craziness of life has brought us closer together over the years.

There are so many memories associated with this fine woman, but on the advice of counsel I will refrain from sharing some of them here. We don't need to add "co-defendants" to the list.

Elisabeth and I met in the first grade at St. Joseph's Elementary School and she knew a lot of the kids in our class from kindergarten, but she was nice and I think she tried to show me how to do flips on the monkey bars. Clumsy Christen stuck with the swings, thanks.

Elisabeth is an excellent driver...and she should be considering she's been driving cars since she was 12. She coerced a very innocent moi into being her co-pilot/look-out while we took the nanny's car for joyrides in Woodside. The two girls wearing the plaid uniforms and driving around in the hoopty on Stockbridge? Yeah, that was us.

Elisabeth is an excellent dancer (and kind of starting to sound like Rain Man here). We honed our booty-shakin' skills in her room, playing the same Janet Jackson and Dee-Lite tapes over and over again. Our Contempo Casuals outfits (with matching scrunchies, natch) gave these white girls from suburbia little extra somethin' I think.

Elisabeth took me on a whirlwind adventure in New York City and introduced me to one of the great loves of my life: Anthropologie. (I would reject her attempts to set me up with one of the great loves of her life: the gin and tonic.) We drank, ate, shopped, and danced our way through Manhattan during the summer of 2000 and it remains one of my favorite vacations.

Elisabeth called me from France on my birthday to make sure the scarf she sent arrived in time. It did, and it's fabulous and I still wear it, bitches. Same goes for the pink clutch she got me a few years later.

Elisabeth encourages me to blatantly - perhaps inappropriately? - hit on her family friends. I'm pretty sure this is for her own amusement, but who doesn't love a good train wreck? Call me boys. Mama's back on the West Coast.

Elisabeth bravely asked me to be her maid of honor when she married Nick two years ago this week (Happy Anniversary, Kids!), knowing this would mean I would get up in public and talk about her. In front of her Nana and Papa. With a glass of alcohol in my hand. She still talks to me regularly so I guess we're cool.

Elisabeth is just flat-out brilliant. Ace Latin in junior high? Sure! Double major from Bryn Mawr? No problem! Acupuncture and Chinese medicine? Yeah, she'll just finish up that program while getting ready to give birth to her firstborn, the beautiful Juno Constance. But the thing is, she doesn't talk about this stuff or mention it or act like it's extraordinary. See why it's hard to hate her?

Sweet Girl, I could go on and on and tell lots of stories. Aside from the adventures in grand theft auto I kept them pretty tame here on the off chance your family stumbles upon this. I hope your day brings much joy and happiness as you have a new member of the family to join the party. The next year is going to be great and I look forward to more adventures, bottles of wine and shopping. My God, the shopping... Bisous!

Happy Birthday Michelle! aka "We can party at your place, right?"

My friend Michelle had what all college freshman covet: her own place off-campus. We met during Orientation, but didn't see each other for awhile after that. While hanging with Boy Chris, Jared and Todd (God, what happened to that guy?), I kept hearing about this really cool girl named Michelle and we were finally re-introduced and started hanging out more. This was an excellent development in my life.

Michelle is an excellent cook and often hosted Thursday night dinner/Friends/Seinfeld/ER nights at her home.

Michelle will give you a ride to or from the airport - even really early in the morning - and will be really nice and chipper the entire time.

Michelle routinely allowed us to trash the aforementioned off-campus house and took good care of us whenever we got sick. And boy did we!

Michelle has an amazing tolerance for alcohol for being such a tiny person.

Michelle will listen to your latest dating drama but won't say stupid crap like, "There's someone out there for you!" and other lame cliches. Her husband also gets some credit here for offering to beat up for New Year's date after he acts like a total jerk.

Michelle doesn't like it when you mention that she kind of looks like "MIchelle the band camp geek from American Pie" but thinks it's funny when you say her husband Cameron looks like Stifler.

Michelle takes parenting seriously, but not, like, annoying seriously. Her son Hayden is a good kid.

One of my resolutions over the next year is to visit friends and reconnect with the people in my life who I haven't seen in awhile. Michelle, you're on that list. Prepare to get all 1997 up in here!

Now If I Can Just Figure Out Where the Bruises Came From...

Here's a summary of my weekend as recorded by me on various cocktail napkins and pieces of paper. This will be funny to about four people, but whatever.

"Fine. I'm fine. It's FINE."

"She has three kids. Leah, Maggie and the other one."

"PF Chang's is known for its slutty fortune cookies."

"We're total locals!"

'Why you gotta throw down challenges? You know we'll meet them."

"You don't understand. I'm about to find out who the fifth cylon is!"
"If I didn't like you so much I'd be embarrassed to know you."

"The IOC is pretty gangsta."

"Remember DSC? Down syndrome cat? We called her that because she looked like a cat with Down Syndrome."

Things are a little nutty in the life of CKD so more details - and hopefully photos - will be available soon. The weekend was pretty fantastic and love was in the air. That, and the smell of tequila. Same thing in my world!

No Sleep 'Til...

This weekend CKD is headed to lovely Portland for a wedding reception in honor of Kim and Justin. I intend to bask in the glow of true love, great friends and the fabulous Portland summertime weather.

Also, there will be booze.

Warning labels on medication will be ignored, sleep is optional, and the likelihood that I will spit out my drink from laughing so hard is high. I can't wait.

I'm thinking I may need to appoint someone to be The Boss of Me as a means of minimizing property damage and unexplained bruises. The last thing I need is to come home missing an eyebrow and covered in Sharpie tattoos. Did I tell you what I did last time I partied with these people? No? Yeah, there's a reason for that.

Jen is the obvious choice for this job since we are sharing a hotel room and she is, after all, The Boss. You up for the challenge, Hen?

All I Know is the Soundtrack Will Be Great

A little while ago I posed the question "Who would play me in the movie of my life?" and KorpsKanzler was the only one who stepped up with an answer: Tilda Swinton. Now, I enjoy her work and all, but I can't help but think that someone playing me needs...something else.

Close...

A friend once told me I remind him of Janeane Garofalo and today another person told me that I've got the Garofalo-vibe going. Interesting. We both have the self-depracating thing happening, although she seems to have more of an indignant, angry attitude toward humanity. But, I can see it. We'll throw her hat in the ring.

OK, getting there...

The obvious answer to the original question finally hit me: Tina Fey. I've been rocking my glasses again and it's no secret that I LOVE her. Clearly this would be ideal as we'd have to meet and hang out and strip down to our bras and panties for a tickle fight ...oh, hey, what's up? You're still there? Sorry about that.

Oh, Hello you...

Casting issues aside, there will be a scene where movie Christen dances on a table or bar to Van Halen's "Hot for Teacher" because you know real-life Christen has done it.

FAQ's

Are you still running? How often? How far?

Yes: I run three days in a row, then take a day off. Why that schedule? Because my left knee hurts if I push it and I'm old so back off. My route is roughly a mile.

Have you started the South Beach Diet yet?

Oh, hells no. I've got a happy hour thing tomorrow and a trip to Portland with COLLEGE FRIENDS. All energy must be focused on getting bail money together, packing, and finding a karaoke bar.

How is your job going? Why don't we ever hear anything about life at the office?

New job is going really well! I don't really want to write about work because it just doesn't seem like a good idea. Plus, there's really nothing exciting to report. "Went to a meeting, we decided to move forward with Phase 2 of blah blah..." Yeah. As far as I can tell there's no official policy about blogging about work, so if something incredibly cool or crazy happens, you'll hear about it.

Speaking of work, have you heard from Crazy Boss from your former place of employment?

Nope. Last I heard from her was a horribly mean voice mail message she left on my last day of work. Seems sort of perfect that this was her way of saying "farewell and good luck" so we'll keep it that way.

Dude, what is UP with your hair?

I know, right? Something needs to be done to rein all this in. And fast.

Quick: Ponch or John?

Ponch. No contest.

Maybe This is the Wine Talking

This won't come as a shock to anyone who has known me for more than 30 seconds, but I was pretty late to the game when it comes to the dating thing. Girls who sweat Commander Riker on Star Trek: The Next Generation were not really prom queen material at SHP. My high school (and let's be honest: most of college) days were spent nursing crushes on my guy friends while being the funny sidekick. I was Duckie.

Consequently, I'm remarkably naive - some may even say clueless - when it comes to flirting, dating and dealing with the opposite sex. I'm honest to the point of freaking people out and I am missing the "play it cool" gene. Mama has no game, kids.

"Why do you want to walk me to the restaurant? Do you think I can't find it myself?"

"Why do you want my number? We just sat here and talked baseball. What, you want to call me later?"

When a guy chats me up I immediately look for the bucket of pig's blood in the rafters and wonder, "Maybe he needs me to tutor him in French" or "Maybe this is a dare like in She's All That" and then I remember I GRADUATED FROM HIGH SCHOOL ALREADY and my life is not a Freddie Prinze Jr movie. It may seem like I'm remarkably cynical, but I'm actually insanely trusting to the point where I get hurt repeatedly. At the very least, I'm always shocked when someone behaves in a less-than-honorable way. And I definitely don't get how someone could be so mean to another person after declarations of love and the desire to share a life together.

I'm not really sure where I'm going with all of this. It's just been a weird month or so of extremes among my friends and family: beautiful weddings and joyful pregnancy announcements or horrible heart-wrenching break ups. It has all made me reflect on relationships and love and all the stuff we go through. It's a miracle anyone ever gets together, really.

Happy Birthday Hank aka "Babe Says It's Good for My Complexion"

Another installment of "One of Christen's Friends is Having a Birthday, So Here's Some Fun Facts" for you. Today, the spotlight is on Amy.

Amy transferred to Sacred Heart at the beginning of junior year, which is kind of intense if you think about it. I mean, switching high schools at halftime? Whoa. Anyway, we had a bunch of classes together and she seemed nice so I started chatting her up. She was freaked out about French, and I offered to help. I was spazzing about Algebra II/Trig, and she offered to help. And a friendship was born! Amy and I were also the least likely candidates for cheerleading but there we were, shaking our booties and getting R-O-W-D-Y at basketball games.

Amy knows the movie Can't Buy Me Love inside and out so she is one of the best people I have ever met.

Amy and I were the lone teetotalers in our group of friends, which means the designated drivers/babysitters. We were grateful to have each other; wrangling four other drunk chicks ain't easy if you're alone.

Amy will roll down all the car windows and blast the song "Closer" by Nine Inch Nails and sing along with you when you're having a bad day and need to let off some steam.

Amy is an amazing artist and would make all of our friends gorgeous presents in her pottery class.

Amy is always up for going to Hobee's and always orders the Hi-Hat Hashbrowns.

Amy is married to a swell guy named Troy. He and I often act like we are five years old when together and she patiently tolerates this.

Amy has given birth to two of my favorite people on the planet, Madison and Johanna. I actually sleep better at night knowing that these young women will grow up and help run this nation one day. They are brilliant, sensitive, kind, curious ladies and if I have kids I will totally let Amy raise them because clearly she is doing something right.

Amy will offer, in all sincerity, to fly across the country and help you move...during her vacation.

Amy is a veterinarian so of course I think she is a goddess. And she totally is.

Happy birthday, Foxy! You are adored and missed more than you could ever know!

I'd Like to Make it One Degree...

Yesterday was possibly the laziest day I've had in months. I don't feel the least bit guilty as I have been uber-productive since I returned home. Thankfully basic cable programming knew I was hanging in my jammies, just hoping for one of my guilty pleasure movies. TNT did not disappoint: A Few Good Men was on. Everyone always talks about the climactic courtroom scene and freaks out when Jessup admits he ordered the Code Red...yeah, yeah. Great. I mean, I loves me some Jack Nicholson; who doesn't? But damn, if the sight of Kevin Bacon in a uniform doesn't get me every time. You'd think my love would fade over time, but no. What we have is pure and true and totally in my head. Don't judge me.

And I've decided I'm going to start referring to my friend Jon Kendrick as Lieutenant Kendrick all the time. I'm sure he'll love it.

Open Letter to Little Blondie at the Bar

Dear Barbie,

Maybe the girls back at the sorority house think your klutziness is soooo adorable, but I don't consider myself lucky that the drink you dumped in my lap was "just ice water!" The polite thing to do is offer to buy a drink for the person...or maybe hand her a freaking napkin. Go back to the Delta Chi house and give some thick-necked loser a handy and leave me alone. This is my new favorite bar and I will not allow it to become a mecca for your type. Shh, no. Stop talking. Leave.

Kisses,
Christen

Cheater, Cheater, CHEATER!

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/26095810?GT1=43001

Does anyone NOT cheat on his or her spouse anymore? I know there are more important things going on in the world, but this annoyed me. Way to go, Edwards. Hook up with some skank as your wife battles a recurrence of cancer. Super classy.

Lili and Kelly may be the only people who actually "get" the title of this post. What is UP 6th grade religion class?

I love how there's an e- card for every occasion:

Little of This, Little of That

My morning run was made a bit more exciting due to a random neighborhood dog chasing me up the street. It wasn't going crazy Cujo-style; it was more like she thought we were playing. I wasn't up for such shenanigans at 6:30am. Her owner finally heard her barking and wrangled her.

My coffeehouse pal hooked me up with an extra piece of banana nut bread. I may propose if he keeps this up.

Saw Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants 2 with a friend and her daughter. It made me want to wear flowy sundresses and wish I had long, thick, wavy hair I could swoop up in a scarf. While I enjoyed this immensely, I feel like I need to counter the extreme estrogen surge by shotgunning a beer or getting a lapdance.

In other news, I am now ordained by the Universal Life Church. Why? Why not?

In Perfect Cursive

All I want for Christmas:

http://www.bustedtees.com/rirruto?utm_medium=CPA&utm_source=AdvertisingCom&utm_campaign=ThinSkyscraper

But if you buy it and send it to me right this minute that would be pretty sweet, too.

Chug-a-Lug, Pooh Bear!*

http://health.msn.com/health-topics/addiction/articlepage.aspx?cp-documentid=100212668&GT1=31033

I gotta say my own life reflects these stats. My beer consumption is down, wine consumption is up and hard alcohol remains steady. Even the moderation thing holds true. Wow, look who has really slowed her roll these days. Fear not: I'll get back into fighting shape. And when I say "fighting shape" I mean "belligerent drunk who takes swings at people twice her size."

A wise man once texted me, "Rehab is for quitters!"

*Anyone who can give me the name of the film in which this line appears gets a smooch. Name the character who said it and to whom, and I'll throw in some tongue or a spanking. Your choice! Leave your answers in the comment section.

Karma and Stuff

Hey there Interweb. How's your day going? Mine is going well, too, thanks. But I have this friend and she's having a rough time. Like, the stuff I have been dealing with? That's a freaking picnic compared to what she's got going on. You know the good will and positive energy you have so generously given me? Would you mind throwing that her way, for a day or so (longer if you like)? Weird and un-Christen-like as it sounds, I am more convinced than ever that all of the good that has come my way is a result of others sharing their strength with me at a time when everything felt out of control. Life is going well, and I could stand to share some of that with someone else.

I know you don't know her and I'm not getting into specifics as I'd like to respect her privacy, but trust me on this. She needs it more than I do at the moment. Not sure what to do exactly? Just re-focus all of the encouraging thoughts and feelings you have sent me "out there" and trust that it will reach the right person. If you need to attach a name, just call her "Christen's friend" and the universe will take care of the rest.

I'd consider it a personal favor, really. Thanks.

Burning Questions

Why don't I own a flask?

Who would play me in the movie version of my life?

Why don't I own leather pants?

How much would drum lessons cost?

And how about tap dancing, too?

Who decided to cancel Arrested Development?

Can someone around here get me a whiskey sour? Please?

Would You Rather?

I was reminded of an awesome game while emailing Cece today: Would You Rather? It's an easy game and even more fun than Truth or Dare since you don't need to move or do anything. Basically, you offer up two really unappealing choices (ie Would you rather drink two ounces of liquid out of a blister, or eat a salad covered in bits o' scab?) and then everyone has to pick what he or she would rather do. The best part is how people defend their choices. For example, I'd rather drink the liquid out of a blister because I could take it like a shot and it would be over quickly. Eating the salad would take more time, so you'd be grossed out for longer. Feel free to play at home!

You can turn this into a drinking game, too. And by that I mean you can easily play this while sitting around drinking. No coordination or need to put down your beverage required here. Typically the more you drink, the more interesting (read: all about sex) the options become.

This is also an excellent way to save a flailing dinner party or jump start the conversation on a date. Try it. You'll learn a lot about the people around you.

Viva Las Vegas! Oh, and Mom and Dave, too.

Today is Mom and Dave's 6th wedding anniversary. After 18 years of togetherness and a two week engagement (during which time I circulated pregnancy rumors) we jetted off to Vegas with a handful of friends for the world's most low-key wedding. Why make it official after so long? Tax breaks, people. My parents are nothing if not practical. And they kind of like each other too.

I convinced my mom at the last minute to get some flowers, just because it felt like we were running an errand and we needed to girl it up a bit. Dave's good friends Kurt and Mike showed up as a surprise, which was great fun. I'm glad they made it not only because they are cool guys, but because Mike hooked us up with a poolside cabana at the Four Seasons. Princess Christen could stand to roll like that all the time.

The weekend was not without a bit of drama: someone who shall remain me managed to faint in the airport en route to Vegas...and was denied the ability to board a flight for the rest of the day. After riding in an ambulance with the most attractive paramedic I have ever seen in real life, I was deemed dehydrated, given an IV and released. Still made it to Vegas in time for the wedding and acted as the official witness for the big event. Way to rally!

Here's a tip for all of you: when you call your mom from an emergency room the day before her wedding to tell her you lost consciousness and hit your head, expect a little bit of freaking out.

I'm not sure what the official anniversary gift is for six years so I am gifting my parents with my unconditional love and an Interweb shout-out. Go Team!

Won't You Join the Culture Club?

Like organic food? Like frozen yogurt? Want to support a locally-owned family business? Of course you do!

Culture Organic Frozen Yogurt Shop is opening in Palo Alto in September. Read all about it here: http://www.culturefrozenyogurt.com/

Why am I so excited? Well, one of the founders, Alexis Beckman, is a former St. Joseph's/Sacred Heart classmate. She is married to another former classmate, Ricardo, and they are the proud parents of three year-old James.

Alexis, James and Ricardo - what a cute family!

Alexis and I had seen each other at class reunions, but Facebook has put us back into semi-regular contact. Thanks, Interweb! If you are on Facebook, you can become a fan of Culture Organic Frozen Yogurt there, too! Check back here or the Culture blog (link is above) for updates on the official opening date. Congratulations to Alexis and her team!

Eleven Years Ago Today...

My dad and Judy were married. The whole experience was sort of a blur, but in a happy way. I was so busy with my freshman year of college up in Tacoma that I was pretty removed from the details of the planning. I'm not sure what a 19 year-old college freshman would have had to offer in the way of advice and ideas anyway. Favors? Beer can helmets! Music? Metallica!

Looking back I realize I totally dropped the ball when it came to my bridesmaid duties. I mean, I showed up, I was sober for the photos, and since I was related to every guest there was so scandalous smooching, but I probably could have stepped it up.

My favorite thing about the reception was when Judy came up to me and said, "I just wanted tell you that my girlfriends and I will be on the back deck in about 5 minutes to do tequila shots. I'm 'not inviting you' but I am letting you know. Oh, and bring your own lime." Then she turned and walked away. She's a keeper!

The wedding was lovely and fun and intimate and exactly what the bride and groom wanted. And I couldn't have picked a better wife for my dad, mama for Evan and stepmonster for me. Thanks for agreeing to be part of our crazy family Judy! We love you!

Want Some Cheese and Crackers with That Whine?

So, I'm supposed to start the South Beach Diet soon, and Mama is having some issues with the "forbidden" foods in Phase I. No brie, bread, or pasta (among other things) for two weeks. And of course, no booze. People are going to think I'm pregnant if I start turning down drinks. I think I'll say I'm on antibiotics to treat VD and need to abstain. Have a little fun with it.

Once I start this I'll send up some sort of warning flare because you know I'm going to be a bitch (more so than usual) if I can't have some of my favorite things. Seems fair to give the world a heads-up.

Thankfully, coffee is allowed. Can you even imagine? The people at Cal Java would send out a search party if they didn't see me a few times a week.

I really shouldn't complain about this. My cholesterol level is pretty out of control and while I'm not eating mayonnaise out of the jar or anything, I could stand to make some changes. But I think I will start after my trip to Portland. No reason to set myself up for failure.